Control
by sdde
Summary: First anything and I appreciate all constructive advice or criticism. Basically a serious look at BB and how he suffers with his past alone.An OOC past after Chp.6, an OC after 10, sorry. No Beta. Pls R&R and pls flame if necessary.
1. Feelings & Powers

**Control**

**Feelings**

His emotions were a private matter and he wanted to keep it that way. He didn't doubt Rae would do her best to ignore the feelings coming from her comrades and never act on them. Unless told about them by the source of the emotions, or when ignoring the emotions became harmful to anyone she cared for. All in order to respect the privacy of those around her. However, he didn't want _anyone_ to even have an idea how he really felt.

His mask had already been in place when the team first met; a mask of care-free attitude, childish humour and silly grin to keep the average person out, but he realised to keep her out he'd have to train his mind to block her. He was no great reader, he made no secret of that, but to keep his mind private he would spend hours finding ways to keep emotions contained or disguised from numerous books. After 6 years he'd even asked Rae for her books on the subject. She had given him the most confused look possible and he just had to reply with a genuine smile to her loss for words.

He'd been happy at her reaction, as well as amused, it meant she hadn't sensed the full extent of his pain and his previous attempts at keeping her out were succeeding. However, he knew her powers would only become stronger as she gained more control of her own emotions after her father had been defeated, so his defences would have to increase.

His excuse for asking for the books was that he wanted to keep Mento from sensing his fear whenever they met and giving him lectures about it, and he even added a sarcasm joke about her for good measure. He hadn't lied so she had bought his excuse, yet he'd still smelt concern coming from her, which concerned him for two reasons. One: she could have sensed his feelings, and/or two: he was being a hypocrite. He realised this even though he didn't know the word hypocrite.

Despite all his efforts though, his tactics of emotion masking left a need for an outlet for his pain. His anger, he could let out during training, battle or videogame marathons with Cy. Granted it was never enough to rid him of his primal urges to fight, kill and be dominant, which were the main suppliers of his anger, but they reduced them so he could suppress them behind his goofy exterior.

His despair was a different story. He simply couldn't control when it would take hold on him and attempt to break his grinning mask. In some lucky situations he could turn it into anger and fight with greater force, however there was the odd occasion where he felt the need to break down and cry and burden someone with what should only be his burden. For those events his first refuge had been a rock on tower's island but he'd learnt it wasn't a secure place for his feelings. Then he would run, fly or swim away from everyone just to be alone completely; he didn't want pity, he didn't want to be _weak_. Again, after learning this wasn't a perfect method since it was tiresome and worried everyone, especially Star (which made Robin pissed as well as annoyed at him for going 'AWOL'). He had asked Cy to seal his room from telepathy, empathy and any kind of pathy from the outside world. Needless to say that raised suspicions from his part robot friend, especially when he asked Cy to keep it secret too. If Cy had broken that promise he didn't mind, he understood why he would, but he noticed nothing from anyone, which made him relax on the situation.

His goofiness wasn't fake; he wanted to be the goofy, comic relief that, he knew, the team needed: Someone to remind Robin of the fun side of life, someone to make Star laugh with corny jokes, someone to challenge Cy's pranks and someone to be Rae's outlet (not just for anger he hoped). He was goofy, simple as that, but no one can be a jester 24/7, not even him, and when he wasn't the jester he didn't want anyone to comfort him he was fine alone with his pain. Yes, he needed his friends, they were his family now and without them he'd be completely alone again and he could and would not live with that. He did even confide some of his feelings in them, but some things just hurt too much.

_His family, his tribe, the one man he was willing to kill, his years in solitude, the years spent training and not living, memories of the one girl he gave his heart too and the broken shards she had thrown back._

He didn't want to hurt anyone else with his pain; he just wanted to suffer alone, he wasn't _weak_ and he would bear it.

**Powers**

When he first joined the team he was limited in his abilities, he admitted, and hated, that fact. He couldn't hold big forms for longer than a couple of minutes, due to being unable to concentrate. His human form wasn't strong, since his training had focused on his shape shifting, and he couldn't even beat Cy at Mega Monkeys 2. That was a low day.

Now, after spending seven years with his friends, his family, he refused to be limited, or as he saw it _weak_. His first wake up call came within the first year when Robin completely humiliated him in a sparring match; the team leader hadn't fought with that purpose at all, far from it. Robin simply hadn't held back and neither had he, but Robin had K.O'd him within 30 seconds, with a swift bo-staff uppercut to his gorilla form while he attempted a double axe. The others tried to explain that the stats didn't reflect the fight, since 30 seconds is an eternity in a fast match, but he didn't care, he decided he needed to be stronger. He refused to be _just_ the jester.

Although he did hate taking orders, part of his primal make up and the simple fact he had enough of training from Mento, he greatly appreciated the results of Robin's training regime. An even divide between hand to hand and transformation combat for him personally, as well as separate sessions for team training.

The next realisation was the Beast, it was power, power he wanted, but he knew how dangerous it would be to harness it and he hated the possible results of losing control of it. He may have saved Rae, she was different, but from the way the form acted towards everyone else when independent from his thoughts. He decided he could risk his own mind but he could not and would not risk his friends. As such he would only call on it when he desperately needed power to save those he loved, Trigon being a good example.

After the Brotherhood's defeat he realised how strong everyone else was becoming, both friend and foe, he tried to find new ways to gain strength, without the Beast, and then it had hit him. His powers came from the D.N.A of animals injected by his father to save him from Sakutia. In theory it shouldn't have given him the abilities he had, but it had. Plus, he could change into things that he was sure his father couldn't have included in that half-cure the results of which now kept him alive, the animals on Tameran being the obvious candidate. What if…? What if he could make the animal? It half-made sense, whenever he changed he had to envision what he would become and focus until he reached the form, apart from his natural human form he simply had to want to change or get knocked out for that. That was his new control on his powers he would continue to break his limits and gain more control.

However, there was always a catch to new power: he would begin to enjoy using it more and more, and not just in fights he enjoyed using his power no matter what pain it provided or what it did to his basic genetics. It wasn't like he could understand genetics anyway and he wasn't _weak_ anymore he could bear it.

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A/N: First anything, apologies if it's crud, this format won't be used for the rest. It'll be in current time.  
Repost/N: I hope it's a little more easy to read and make sense of.


	2. Clay

**Control**

**Clay**

How was it possible? He didn't care, but he couldn't help being curious, being able to become beasts that previous only existed in fiction was… _incredible!_ It hurt worse then anything, but the simple idea of being a dragon was just thrilling it made him giddy and ecstatic. The fact he had succeeded in this goal made him want to scream in joy, even if the pain to succeed was borderline unbearable. Why hadn't he realised this sooner?

His body then began to scream at becoming its new shape, this was beyond that line. As reflex he reverted back to his human form and relief flooded him as he fell back to lean against the roof entrance/exit door. "Okay, maybe that's why." He sighed to himself as he stared back at the moon which had been watching his training. Then, after two minutes of moon gazing, "Why do I get the idea that you're not the only one watching, huh, Rae?"

"How on earth did you smell me out here, it's -10C and it's snowing?" Raven replied walking out from the shadow of the Tower's generator to his left, her monotone firmly removing any surprise her question suggested.

"I didn't, I heard you," he answered scratching his right ear, not turning to meet her eyes, "it's just no one else can get up by moving through the roof, can they?" he continued, "So, why have you come up here? I can't believe you heard me while you were sleeping, not forgetting it is 3 a.m."

"What about you, _Garfield_?" she stressed his name just annoy him, "Since when do you stay awake pass one o'clock in the morning, or wake up before eleven o'clock to make sure you're fully conscious for noon training just to avoid Robin's scolding?" She finished while positioning herself in front of by a few yards, he merely turned his eyes to the floor.

"Two things Rae. One: you know I don't like that name. Two: you avoided giving me an answer." His breathing had become heavy, and he couldn't put any force behind his intended threatening tone. He slid down with his back against the door to sit against it, the snow became his cushion. The dragon moment had really made him tired; he could tell he wouldn't be able to keep his guard up for too much longer. He couldn't afford to meet her gaze right now.

"I felt someone I care for in serious pain!" she snapped, that made him look up at her directly. She had broken her demeanour so quickly, and she had her hood down. This could only mean trouble. He looked into those unbelievable amethyst orbs she called eyes, and he saw something he hadn't seen since her sixteenth; concern. "So, what the hell are you doing up here that would cause yourself so much pain!?"

This he had to think about, not an easy task for him right now, how could he get her off his case without using lame tactics like; _"Your one to talk."_?Bingo! Denial. "What are you tal- OW!" he squeaked when she thumped his head from above, "What the heck was that for? Hell, since when do punch people?" He tried to shout, but failed due to his fatigue, from his seat in the snow.

She merely glared at him, "That was your worst lie in the whole seven years since we met, _Garfield_! I thought it deserved a new calibre of punishment."

"First off that was only an attempted lie, you didn't even let me finish. Second, how is it that worse than when you threw me through a window for pulling your hood down!?" he retorted, his fatigue replaced by more and more frustration with every word, "And third, don't call me Garfield!" His voice had become low and deadly, his eyes diverted back to the ground. He didn't need to be pushed right now, but he knew the Raven would not be intimidated only provoked by such tactics, and he was already regretting his new tactic.

He heard a sigh of contempt come from the empathic woman looming over him, "I think you know perfectly well how it is worse. It's personal!" she almost yelled, he heard what sounded like a small avalanche as snow fell off the roof as a result of her outburst. He listened to her breathing steady as she calmed herself back to monotone. "I was in extended meditation as a result of our battle with Rag Doll. Then, two minutes before I came up, I sensed that _you_ were in pain excess to what I experienced during my father's resurrection. But, that is not what worries me the most: I could sense you were happy during that pain!" her voice was becoming more commanding, but also more emotive, with each syllable, "I realised where you were and instantly came here out of concern, and what do I find!?"

"'Concerned'?" he quoted trying to be mischievous and divert her to embarrassment, rather than the point she was making. He finally looked back up to meet her gaze again, expecting to see look of embarrassment that usually followed her being caught caring about him. He didn't get it. What he got was the most terrifying stare she had ever him, and that was saying something.

"I find you staring at the moon, close to passing out in sub-zero temperatures during a heavy snow fall! And you have the audacity not to think you avoid explaining why!?" Her concern was now becoming rather evident in her voice and eyes as she said this. He still refused to give in, but he then realised he was out of diversions.

"'Audacity.'?" He said this even though it would only delay the argument.

"STOP IT!" Concern was replaced by complete annoyance and anger. He was hoisted to a standing position by the trademark aura, pinned against the door and Raven moved her face to within inches of his. Due to his full grown height he was nearly a whole foot taller than her, but she had nullified this by levitating to give her glare to be one of complete control over him. "I want, and I if I have to, I demand, an answer from you, _Beast Boy_!?"

He growled. He hated not being in control, he hated being pinned into a corner, and he hated being _weak_. Right now that was exactly she made him. However, she had given compromise by not calling him _Garfield_, for some reason that counted as a victory to him and suppressed the need to retaliate. He was willing to compromise for that, at least he was with her. She had _never_ compromised with him before.

During all of this the snow had continued to fall, he already had been soaked but now she joined in that trait, and he only now took the whole image before him in. Not really like he had a choice.

She looked the epitome of dark beauty in the moonlight and snow; she had become more than beautiful in the seven years since the team. She had only grown to a final 5ft 4in, but her petite frame possessed traits and curves any woman would envy. The pale skin glowed, and the purple hair shined, in the light provided. Her eyes, as always, were her defining trait. Most believed she could easily read a person with those amethyst orbs even without her empathic abilities, and considering his self-trained resistance to that right now he would have to agree. Looking into those eyes was to be lost and your every action observed without exception.

However, he would still only compromise, as she had.

"Tell me something, Rae," he finally replied with a tone and look that gave the assurance he was serious, "I've seen you painting. Tell me, how do you paint? Does the picture grow in your mind as you paint, or do you start with the picture in your head and paint towards it?" Her look of confused frustration caused him to add, "Rae, I will tell you what you want to know."

She released her hold on him, he did not run, as her expression finally returned to monotone, "The first."

"I use the second," he stated, "you're probably thinking 'Wait a minute Beast Boy can't paint', right?" he added with a grin. "You're right I can't. I sculpt. You know like clay. Every time I sculpt I want to be better than before. I'm happy, even excited like when I beat Cy at a new game, every time I succeed in carving the image I have in my head. So, I keep on sculpting new and more complex things, in order to be that happy again as well as to be better. Until recently I obeyed a rule: never sculpt something you haven't seen in the flesh. But tonight, I broke that rule and moulded the clay to a shape I only imagined, all so I would be better. I was very happy when I did it, but there's a side effect to all good hobbies. You sensed the side effect of me carving and setting the clay, which I always experience, but tonight it was stronger due to the new nature of the image I wanted to create."

The look on Raven's face was adding a whole new meaning to the words: absolute shock. "You probably want me to quit this hobby, but all I say is this. The end product is worth it, and I am _not _saying that because of the happiness I mentioned, I say it because I need to be better."

His tone then changed to something beyond serious, it gave the impression of a way of life. His way of life.

"I refuse to be _weak_ anymore, Raven. This is how _I_ become stronger." He then smiled at her, a complete and genuine smile that he wanted to show, his tone, however, didn't lose effect, "Don't worry about what you sensed tonight Raven. This will be the only time you see behind the mask."

There that should do it. He knew it was a compromise to Raven's favour; he'd simply used word substitutions and he didn't doubt she would realise exactly what he meant. He'd never told anyone shape shifting hurt, _like hell_, and he was angry he had told someone he wished least to burden. However, she had pinned him and left him a choice in his mind of 'Tell me or kill me' and he had enough control over his pride to choose properly.

"Now if you don't mind I'm gonna get a few z's." He turned and left the empath in an almost paralysed state in the snow on the roof. He reached his room within a matter of minutes.

Despite her obvious worry he doubted she would tell the other Titans, she respected other people's privacy as much as she valued her own, and despite how he had attempted to invade her privacy he believed she'd stick to that. How she would act individually was his main concern, she might be too concerned with glimpse she had just had of his present to let him be. However, he could not and would not allow anyone near his past.

He collapsed onto his bed, asleep within a second, with reinforced resolve.

His past and the pain it brought him was his burden, his alone. He was not_ weak_, and he would bear it.

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A/N: I was surprised by getting compliments for first chapter already, thanks by the way and for the advice. If I have changed anything to any disliking pls infom me. Sorry if crud and if OOC. Raven is menat to be 21 and BB around 20.5.


	3. Gloves

**Gloves**

"Why do you always hide them?" Raven asked suddenly from behind the sofa, causing him to nearly have a heart attack to which he collapsed on the floor with a short squeal. Raven just waited for her answer. Problem was that this time he really didn't know what she meant.

"Please, don't do that, Rae! You scared me worse than when Silkie ate an entire 'cake' that Star made." He pointed out for his own future benefit. "Why do I hide what?" he then asked to clear up his confusion, as he re-seated himself back on the common room sofa.

He'd been watching a Halloween marathon, in the absence of Star and Nightwing on a date, and Cy to driving his 'baby', refusing to let him even ride in the back seat after the last wet dog smell incident. It was just half way through the original; one of the only two good ones, which for some reason had been shown fifth in terms of order. He had thought Raven would be in her room for the entirety, like the norm, but she had caught him tense and off guard, and he had to admit she'd scared the crap out of him.

"Your hands," she stated calmly seating herself next to him, a little closer than she often did, as she turned off the horror classic with her powers, "Since the first time I met you I have never seen your hands in your human form. Not even in an off guard moment, or when you wear civilian clothes, you always wear gloves. Why?"

He looked at his hands in their grey synthetic covers; he knew why he hid them, why the hell did he have to tell her!? He had predicted that she would confront him, he had even prepared for it, but he hadn't expected an indirect approach. He thought she would cut straight to what troubled her like five days ago, what made her change tactics after that success? Damn, she had outsmarted him. "Who said I hide them?"

"You," she replied, "just now. You maybe able to hide some things from me, _Garfield_, but you are not perfect and neither are your attempts to mask how you feel. I can easily deduce from the simple anger you are feeling that my question hit a sore point."

"Then leave it! If you can tell it's a sore point then don't attack it! And don't call me that!" he snapped, he couldn't believe how easily she was aggravating him and bypassing his defences. His breathing was already sharp and his fists clenched, he turned away from her so he could pick up the remote and to attempt to escape the interrogation that she was threatening to deliver. It was gone.

"You are not getting away from this, _Garfield_," Raven said from her seat next to him, he turned back and saw his last hope of complete escape held in her hand, when the hell had she achieved that!? "Why so surprised? You are not the only one who wants to be in greater control of their power, _Garfield_." He growled darkly at her.

"Why are you mocking me?" His voice thick with the intent of a threat he was to fulfil. He was now looking her directly into the eyes, even though he didn't know it, the look he gave was par with hers: an all out glare of dark threats.

"I am not mocking you; I am reminding you not to underestimate me, _Garfield_." Her gaze softened as she answered him, but her gaze did not faulter. Her voice was monotone, as it had been since the start of the conversation, but now her voice carried concern with it. It wasn't in the tone but it was how she felt and she was willing to show it to him, her eyes now screamed it at him, not to mention the smell. It calmed him, and reminded him of her intended motives, "Now, please, answer my question."

"First: don't call me that," he replied, however, his voice now contained a light humour, but also contained a hint of defeat. How did she have such affects on him? How, and why, did she know how to break with minimal resistance from him? Damn. "Second: they are ugly."

"What!?" Raven said with a confused look, a rare sight and an amusing one which made him smile, "How can your hands be ugly? I know that your hands have claws and perhaps other animal traits, as well as possible battle scars, but 'ugly'?"

"Tell me, Rae, how do people with sight, or even some of those who don't, identify another person is not a monster?" he sighed at her continued confused look, "It's their face. Those with sight judge another by their face, even some who are blind can judge a person by their face or by other methods. I'm not talking about what a face looks like compared to others, namely pretty or ugly. Yeah, some don't bother to look past the abnormal in a face since they fear the abnormal and that's their loss; it leaves them unable to see all of those who are around them. Plus, that's part of what others will see in them. But to judge 'who a person is' you look at their face: their eyes show where they've been, and to the trained eye, what they've experienced and how they felt at the time. While expressions show how they feel at the moment of then and there. If you put this alongside their actions then you know whether that person is 'human' or is a 'monster'. There is never any greater detail other than someone's basic personality, e.g. evil or good, _weak_ or strong." Raven was beginning to understand, but the explanation was a bit flawed and…

"How is this related to your hands being 'ugly'?"

"Simple: your hands are how you judge yourself. They are the one constant you see everyday, if you're fortunate enough to have them, and they are a textbook to the past you may remember or may have forgotten. When you look at your hands you know where to look and how to read your own past from them, and you know how felt at every moment. You can judge yourself from the lines, hairs, nails, and any permanent marks left on your hands." Raven's eyes had widened considerably during this explanation, while his tone had remained completely neutral, were there tears starting to form in her eyes? Now, that was a rare sight. "Rae?"

"H-h-how can you see yourself as- as -?" she was evidently having trouble finishing her sentence.

"'Ugly'?" he cut in, "I can read them, Rae, and I have memorized exactly what they say, and simply put the whole picture sickens me." He stood up, once again leaving her in a position of complete paralysed shock; he turned away from her, hopped over the sofa and headed for the main exit of the Tower. He changed his tone, "Rae, now you know why I hide my hands, my past, from even my own eyes. You might think my past cannot be worse than yours, you're right, but what it proves is. So, I will ask this one time: do not try to break my mask: you will not like what you see." He reached the main door and it opened automatically, at the same time he heard Rae stand to argue from behind him. "My past is burden and I will bear it alone, I can not and will not share it, because, I am no longer _weak_."

The doors closed behind him.

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A/N: Oh, boy. I had trouble writing this, it was originally the next chapter, but I thought the other chapter didn't fit. Don't worry it will still be posted, but next and it will be longer so; don't worry, be happy. Again, sorry if crud or boring and if OOC. Pls vote in poll and inform me of any dislikes or bad changes. Advice appreciated.


	4. Exercise

**Exercise**

Adonis. The most pathetic excuse for a fighter he'd ever had the misfortune to meet, however, the kind of fight he offered was simply exhilarating. Simple powerhouse format: the one who could bring the most force won, Adonis had to rely on artificial muscles to fight, he didn't have a problem with that, come on what did Cy use? Artificial muscle wasn't what made Adonis pathetic, it wasthe villain's habit to seek out a battle and then mock the opponent when they showed a slight inability to keep up with thesuitthe fool wore. However, when stripped of that precious piece of armour Adonis would cower and beg.

That was the definition of pathetic. A good fighter, a _warrior_, would never seek battle they would wait for it. A _warrior _would never mock or underestimate their opponent, either from their own ego or past knowledge of their opponent, they would judge how their opponent on how they fought in the moment. And a _warrior_ would never beg for mercy when robbed of their common method of victory, they would find a new method and continue to try and, sometimes, beat their opponent.

However, he always enjoyed fighting the greasy nerd's battle suit; it always offered a simple rush to his animal instincts to try and overpower the red revving muscle simulators. Tonight was no exception; Adonis had decided to team up with the remaining H.I.V.E 5, which now ironically actually contained five members, to rob the main Jump City bank.

He was now fighting the Adonis, who now stood at seven and a half feet in his suit, on the road outside the financial building, since Adonis seemed to have been given the ever so important job of 'check the coast is clear'. The other four main Titans along side Flash and Jinx had gone inside to deal with the H.I.V.E 5. Leaving him with the outcome of his task to divert Adonis' attention and that was just fine. He was currently a grisly and delivering swipe after with his claws to the front of Adonis' suit, leaving only scratches in the paint work. Adonis was less than quiet whilein a state ofconfidence.

"Is that all you got small fry," Adonis promptly sent him flying into an adjacent building with a right hook to his torso, "I've re-buffed my muscles since last time. No one beats Adonis when he's buffed!" He was on his back for less than a second, immediately shifting to a gorilla he charged back at Adonis before the dust settled. This caught the nerd in preparation for another snide remark and thus he was able to spear the said nerd before a single syllable left _his_ mouth. Adonis was sent flying several yards before the back of the muscle suit made contact with the tarmac.

This pattern continued for several minutes, never with the same ingredients but always the same basic method. Adonis would charge, taunt and attack. He would then either: block and counter, dodge and counter, take the hit and counter or… just counter. Either way there was a lot of countering on his part in the fight. This lasted much longer than it should have, Adonis never realising what little a test the work out was proving to be to him, all Adonis did was become cockier and cockier with each exchange. He couldn't help but half growl, and half grin, at the situation.

He wasn't angry or frustrated he was simply enjoying the exercise, but he wouldn't even call this a fight. He even half wished Mammoth had been the one he had to fight; Mammoth presented a challenge and an understanding of primal battles. All Adonis offered was a test dummy, during and before the discovery of the Beast Adonis had been a problem, he would give credit where credit was due. Now, though, Adonis was one of the few who hadn't kept up with the other opponents he faced and no longer posed any threat at all. However, despite his basic enjoyment of this exercise he felt it unfair to taunt his opponent in this way, namely letting them believe they were stronger than they really were.

So, now he thought to himself about what would be the best way to make Adonis realise this, as he did this he reverted back to his human form and stood their in deep thought. He could show Adonis a number of new tricks he had been learning: his new forms maybe, or his… He was cut off mid-thought and his decision made for him. His hand had moved above his head out of instinct to block the single giant red fist aiming to crush him underneath it, while he was still in mid-thought.

The ground beneath him cracked into the shape of a crater and dust surrounded his entire body. Then came the predictable mocking laugh of Adonis. This continued until the red suited geek realised that the robotic hand hadn't yet met the tarmac of the road. He gave one very long breath in annoyance as the dust cleared and the scene showed itself to the villain. He hated the fact he hadn't made the choice of what to display. He hated not being in control.

He watched Adonis' eyes as they widened, the red hand had been cleanly removed from the corresponding arm of the suit, and it was now gripped loosely by its side in his right hand. He now stood in a near perfectly circular crater his feet being the centre, permanent indentions left in the concrete under each foot. The force of the blow had been considerable, made evident by the effect it had on the concrete beneath and around him after it had been transferred via his feet. However, he had hardly felt the impact on his arm, or the rest of his body, he was completely unaffected, simple powerhouse rules: the _weak_ lose and the strong win. He could not and would not lose when he didn't even consider the villain to be worthy competition.

He wasn't surprised by the fear and shock in Adonis' eyes, but he was surprised by his own happiness at the display of strength he had just given and the reaction of fear it received. His annoyance now completely vanished he gave an extremely wide grin to the villain in front of him; it must have been unnerving as said villain remained completely still.

Until, "How the hell did a weak, little shrimp like you, do that to me, Adonis!? The strongest of the strong!" it had been said in shocked disbelieve, not frustrated insult, but the words made his happiness evaporate. What replaced it was…

Rage.

He dropped the robotic remains in his hand. His eyes became dark and hidden behind shadows with no visible source; he stepped forward slowly and walked out of the crater towards the now retreating Adonis, "I am not _weak_." His voice quiet but deadly, "I usually let taunts from opponents slide, even ones like that. You, however, are no longer an opponent to me and you haven't been since we became the Beasts," He leaped forward, still in human form, and sliced the villain's suit with his gloved claws. He landed directly behind Adonis; the cover keeping suit and its master together began to fall apart within seconds, the suit began limp backwards while Adonis fell forwards and out of it onto the road. "All you and your suit are is exercise."

He turned and walked back to the now cowering 22 year old; he picked up the trembling disgrace by the throat and revealed his eyes to it. The villain's reaction to the glare was a silent, fearful whimper that sounded like, "Yellow?"

"If you ever dare call me _weak_ again, without becoming strong yourself. I will do to you what I did to your suit tonight!" At this he threw Adonis towards the bank steps. At the sound of impact he heard a definite crack come from Adonis' spine, as well as from the marble staircase. After the dust cleared all he heard were Adonis' laboured breaths accompanying the peaceful sounds of the city at night. Now he could calm down.

He had been careless; he had let his grip on his anger be lost. Damn it. His communicator then interrupted his thought train before it even began. He flipped it open to see Nightwing with an exhausted expression while taking cover behind a crate of gold. "Beast Boy! Can you read me!?"

"Loud and clear, Robin." He wanted to add 'a little too loud'; the leader's teenage alias would have to do, since Nightwing had visibly flinched at it. "Sorry, dude, what's the problem? Do you need my help?" He did enjoy teasing his brother like leader; the grin he wore was evidence enough.

"Not the time, Beast Boy," the urgency in Nightwing's voice wiped away his grin, "We have a serious problem. Raven's lost control of her emotions, and even wit-" he switched the communicator to its radar function, cutting off Nightwing's explanation. He had heard enough. He had already entered the bank before he had even recorded the location of the others in his mind. He crushed the communicator so he wouldn't have to put it back in his pocket, and then worry about it later, and ran with everything he had after shifting into a cheetah.

Damn it! How could she have lost control? The only emotion that had ever threatened her mind was her Rage, and she had even explained that after the defeat of her father Rage had not even come close to be strong enough to take control. Why now!? Was it…? _'Not now!'_ he said in his mind to cut of his train of thought. He didn't need to know now. He would ask her once she was safe.

After around 20 seconds he reached his destination, the ground floor office directly above where the other Titan's, where Raven, had been on the radar; the stair system had looked too complex to be quicker than his intended root. He shifted into the Beast without hesitation, he needed power now! He crouched, jumped, flipped and gripped the ceiling with his claws, and then shot himself downward using the Beast's immense leg strength. He broke through the floor as a rolled up armadillo in the same manner as a cannon ball, however, he didn't lose any speed from the impact and continued to break through the three remaining floors between him, and Raven, and the others with one attempt. When he reached the vault entrance area he shifted back to the Beast, and then he saw what he had been dreading.

All the other's, including the H.IV.E 5, were working together to provide themselves with a chance of survival against the mass of aura that was being hurled at them by… _no_, that was not Raven. The only quality it shared with Rae was the cloak and that wasn't even the right colour. He flipped to land on his legs and absorbed the considerable impact, once again thankful to the form's leg strength, and grimaced at the thing that was now in control of the body of someone he loved, and was even trying to kill the others that he loved.

This was going to be harder than just exercise.

He didn't care he had to save her. He was not _weak_ anymore! He could and would protect the ones he loved, no matter the burden on any part of him.

If he couldn't do that then why was he even still alive!?

_His body, his mind, his soul!_ He would sacrifice all of it, to protect the ones he loved!

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A/N: The first chapter of the update, as promised by the poll, next will be Tuesday, I hope. Okay, now would be when I apologise if it was bad, but I was told not to, and far be it from me to have the guts to defy the orders of a female.(obviously no offence is meant by this to anyone) However, don't let me off if it is bad anyway. I mean seriously it was a nightmare thinking of pronouns for Adonis other than _he,him,his_ so don't be surprised if you got confused. I did, 5 times.Please review.

A/apol.: Now I have to apologise for the reposting of thethis chapter, I re-read it and realised I missed out the beginning from my elimination of the _he,him,his_ references to Adonis. Sorry for false alarm. Again: update is on Tuesday.


	5. Drops

**Drops**

He hurled himself towards the emotion that now claimed Raven's body and mind, and began to close the considerable gap between them (in his mind this room was simply too big). He had known exactly what it was the instant Nightwing had told him Rae had lost control, but had wished to some higher force he had been wrong. He didn't fear it, the only time he would fear a part of Raven was when she used it against him, he feared the reason it had been able to seize control.

If his dread was well placed then the mandatory consequences were hard to accept.

It didn't matter right now; all that mattered was forcing the thing, which made a mockery of her, to give Raven back her body unharmed. He doubted her mind was conscious otherwise the rebellious emotion would be dealing with serious resistance from her at every point, but it displayed no evidence of that. It was firing wave after wave of attacks at the eleven combatants surrounding it, including him, in quick succession.

He was currently the Beast and had only surveyed the room for a matter of seconds before attacking, he dodged several random vertical blades of aura and was quickly approaching to the battle crazy form that was once Raven, and would soon be again. It hadn't take full notice of him at his arrival, but now it concentrated its eyes solely on his fast approaching form.

The four bright crimson red eyes that belonged to Raven's Rage stared at him with expectant blood thirst, from behind the red hood it wore; he was the only who had physically advanced towards it. Every other person had either fallen back to calculate a strategy, or been forced back to simply ensure they saw tomorrow. A maniacal grin spread below the four glowing eyes, Rage wanted a battle an outlet for all the anger it possessed. Rage had elevated to at least ten feet in the air, a sea of black aura with protruding tentacles connecting it to the floor, and now sent a barrage of spells from its blood red hands.

His run didn't faulter. He glanced to his left, but still dodged every burst of aura intended to kill him, and saw Cy watching his run from behind the cover of a gold bullion block, from his sense of smell he could tell an injured Flash shared the cover as well. He used his enlarged hand and claws and a head shake to signal his intent to the man he considered his brother. Cy's artificial eye instantly recognising the general intent of the signal, the reaction was a grim expression and nod, and then a quick relay of silent orders to every uninjured Titan in the room via communicator, Raven's obviously not included.

He redirected the majority of his attention to the crazed Rage just as a slice of aura nearly cut him in two horizontally through his face; he immediately jumped over the attack but was knocked to the right by sweeping shield like mass of the same aura. Confidence didn't rise on Rage's face; he knew that was part of Bravery's scope, the expression seemed to be an increase in contentment at the success of hitting the enemy. Yet, Rage still remained in a completely battled crazed state. He knew it was unavoidable that he would have to attack Rage in some form, physically not being part of the plan, but if he could play to its feeling of content in a good hit and the predictable frustration in an unsuccessful one, he would use it to save Raven. He began to run again at Rage provoking its grin to widen again, as well as a new onslaught of attacks which this time involved the black tentacles of energy whipping beneath it.

Rage was positioned in the middle of the room (widthwise) and further towards the back (lengthwise) nearer the currently open vault door, which currently contained the three people: Kyng Wykkyd, Colonel H.I.V.E, and Jinx. He leapt past Rage while making a seemingly intent, but fake, attempt to slash the emotion's, Raven's, face. Rage was able to dodged but, as had been his intention, the red hood was pulled back revealing the blood red skin and black hair to the world, this enraged the emotion considerably. Rage let out a bloodthirsty, anger filled roar before giving chase to him as he shifted to a cheetah, heading straight for the vault with full throttle.

Jinx and, thusly, the vault's other occupants were aware of his intentions and made their exit from the vault, using Wykkyd's teleportation, while Rage's attention was focused on him. He heard them re-enter the world in the centre of the room, close to the other occupants of the room, and then he heard Rage yell from behind him, "STOP RUNNING YOU COWARDLY CAT!" He instantly complied stopping just before the vault; the resulting confusion of Rage caused a halt in its attacks. He shifted back to human form and turned to lock stares with the four glowing eyes. "What?" Rage asked with an irritated look, "You aren't afraid?"

"Do I look afraid?" was his reply, only increasing the irritation on Rage's face, as he gave a confirmation nod to the others. This included everyone in the room, even the H.I.V.E 5 saw the benefit in his plan, except for Flash, See-More, who he could smell were both injured, and Jinx, who was helping her lover and former comrade exit the room.

Rage formed a ball of aura in its hand and held the ball in its palm and then flew down toward him aiming to drive the ball diagonally downward through his gut, he jumped back into vault narrowly avoiding the black energy which exploded at contact with the ground. Rage lifted its face back up and looked up at him from one knee, the mad grin back in place on the face that had once been the most beautiful he had seen and would soon be again.

"Well," Rage said darkly, "YOU SHOULD BE!" At which it flew into the vault its eyes glowing brightly with the desire to kill. He shifted once again to the Beast and began to dodge the melee of spells and attacks. The vault itself made the entrance area look like a closet in here there was no possibility of him being cornered her, even with the numerous gold stacks that inhabited it, and he would be able to tire Rage out. After several minutes of dodging the attacks he finally heard the vault close and lock, the lights remained on presumably the work of Cy or Gizmo. Rage's reaction was instant, "WHY THE HELL HAVE YOUR 'FRIENDS' DONE SOMETHING SO POINTLESS? LEAVING YOU IN HERE ALONE, AND IN A PLACE I CAN EASILY ESCAPE FROM WHEN I'M THROUGH WITH YOU!" The attacks never slowing as it yelled this point; he reverted to his human state so he could answer, but still managed to avoid any hits.

"Simple!" he shouted in reply over the thunder of spells crashing against the gold contents of the vault, "I told them to! I told them to trust me and let me handle you, Rage!" Rage let out a feral cry of anger at his words and headed straight for him, riding atop the sea of energy beneath it, almost as if surfing.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU SAYING? HANDLE ME?" He changed into a hawk and fled to the air of the immense vault, Rage simply following him riding the tide of black aura. "ALL YOU DO IS RUN LIKE THE COWARDLY LITTLE CAT YOU ARE!" It paused to draw breathe for an even louder yell, "_I AM RAVEN_!"

In response to this blasphemy he shifted back to the Beast as he reached the ceiling, flipped so he faced the floor and dug into the tiles, now behind him, to supply himself some grip to avoid falling back down. He looked back at the approaching Rage, which wore a twisted scowl on the face it called its own, the crimson eyes glowing like rubies in the sun. The roar that he gave made the one that had come from Rage not moments before seem like a quiet squeak of a mouse. Rage halted its approach; he didn't even register the fearful expression that had instantly adorned the face only a metre below him, he lunged with the full intent of showing Rage how insignificant it was compared to Raven. His rage bypassed every mental hold back he had had until now: not to harm Raven's physical body, never to take life. Now, though, he just wanted the thing that mocked Raven, the Raven he loved as family and would do anything for, dead.

He landed with a serious thud, the floor cracking beneath his feat, even enough force to make the Beast knees tremble in pain. _Drip_. What was that? There was no water, or any liquid, here and although he was bruised and bleeding slightly he knew the sound wasn't his blood. He looked at his right claws: blood, her blood, was dripping from the middle claw. _Drip_.

For the first time in the years since Terra's betrayal fear gripped him and refused to let him go. He reverted to human form, refusing to panic and lose control, he had to think calmly. He looked back to the ceiling and saw someone falling from the considerable distance between them and the floor, the cape the falling figure wore was a deep purple, "Raven!" he screamed in panic. However, despite his fear that he had hurt her, maybe even … _'NO! It won't matter unless save her from the fall idiot!'_ he screamed to himself, he had to save her. He ran forward jumped into the air and caught her only a metre from impact, way too close for his liking, and landed with her in his arms.

He immediately turned his eyes to her face and could only feel an absolute relief, but also horror at the same time, as he placed her gently on the ground. It was Raven's face again, the face most precious to him, it was pale skinned and in peaceful sleep or unconscious meditation. But, it was now bleeding from the left cheek: a single thin cut running from the point of her cheek bone ending just before reaching her ear. The cut was paper thin and wouldn't have even left a scar with natural healing, not to mention her healing magic, but it scared him more than anything ever had. As he watched the single file drops slide down her face he remembered everything in an instant.

Rage had been wearing a look of terror, only matched by that of a cornered animal that had just recognised no matter what power it summoned its opponent would have no trouble destroying it, as he had aimed to take its, her, head off. However, in his anger he was sloppy and Rage had been able to make a dodge out of instinct with him too focused on the point he marked as the one he would kill the occupier of. Evident by Raven's cut Rage hadn't been able to avoid his attack completely; his middle claw had just skimmed the cheek enough to slice the then blood red skin.

As he re-lived the attack his panic began to overwhelm him, he had actually tried to _kill_ her! It didn't matter if Rage had been in control, he knew full well that Raven only had one physical presence and destroying it would kill her, he had wanted to kill Rage no matter the consequences. How could he become so angry that he would forsake Raven's life like that? How could he trust himself again? How could she trust him again? Would she fear him?

He didn't care about keeping his feelings in now; he simply sat down and gripped his face in his palms and cried from fear and panic, and this let his other present pains start to consume him. Why was he even worth a damn? How could he be so _weak_ to lose control twice in one night? The consequences were too high, didn't he know that already? He had lived out his worst fear twice in one night and Raven had been the one to suffer both times: his rage had nearly killed her twice His mask kept the world safe from his pains: his rage, his fear, his sorrow. Why hadn't he stayed in control?

Adonis was hardly a problem to even sweat over, but no his pride in his obviously worthless strength had let him be undone by a simple insult. He knew the result had led to Rage's escape; it was the only explanation. Raven was not _weak_ never had been never will be the only way Rage could have beaten her for control was that an exterior force had helped it become stronger as well as overwhelm Raven at the same time. His rage for Adonis was the only candidate. Then, his rage had led him to a point where he was willing to sacrifice her life, whatever reason there was for that was inexcusable!

He was a _monster_ only a monster would forsake someone it cared for willingly. He had known that for years but kept on living to try and make up for it, to make others happier and perhaps find happiness himself. He thought that to do this he would hide his troubles; it let everyone else be happier and that helped him forget the pain at times and let him be happy. Now, thought, there was no way he would let this continue; he could not and would not risk anyone, especially Raven.

He was a _monster_ he didn't deserve happiness, friends, family or comfort, but he couldn't help but be selfish and continue to risk the ones he had come to love. Why? Why was he so _weak_ he would risk every person he loved just to be happy?

His tears continued to flow until something gripped his torso in an unbreakable hold and then Raven shouted in his ear, "STOP!" her cut cheek made contact with his and he felt her blood begin trickle between their faces. "Please, stop it, Garfield" her voice was gentle and quiet; it was beautiful, "Stop thinking of ways to hate yourself, Garfield. You are too good a person to hate." His hands were still in place, but his tears had stopped, how could she believe that? She removed her cheek from his and he could feel her stare though his hands, her grip around did not loosen, "Don't you dare question me. I do not blame you for anything, and I remember all of it, Garfield.

"You probably blame your outburst earlier for giving Rage the chance to take control of me, I won't lie, you're right. But, you are still not to blame. Do you know how strong _your_ rage is?" he only pathetically sniffed from behind his hands. He didn't even know how to speak to her now, let alone face her eyes, "It's strong enough to overpower mine in her raw form to such an extent Rage was overcome with primal fear, she still avoided your attack for all intents and purposes, but I was able re-challenge her and defeated her thanks to that." He still couldn't face her, there was no changing the fact he had tried to kill her, "As for your killer intent: you are such a hypocrite!" this caused him reveal his face out of reflex and his eyes instantly became lost in hers, her voice became scolding but tearful.

"You think you can bear such an emotional force alone? Not only that, but its fuel is the burden you refused to share in the first place! Your sorrow! It out wages any of the others' and mine by several times, because you don't share it! This refusal is because you are not '_weak_'? Yet you think everyone else should share their burden and be happier, yet, you suffer alone! Now, when you lose control of the reaction to your pain you see yourself as '_weak_'and'_ugly_'?" Tears now began to fall from her beautiful eyes, he could only react by crying again himself, "How, Garfield? You have suffered alone for so long, and when you lose control at a point far beyond the limits of others you think yourself '_weak_' and '_ugly_'?" His head slumped forward, the rest of his body willing to do the same, the tears just kept falling, the relief they brought was too great.

"You have the strongest emotions I have ever sensed and yet you keep them controlled behind a mask of _real_ happiness and let them fester until they break you. Like they have now. You have done this to keep the world from seeing your pain and the ones that love you from sharing it with you, like we would want too. Garfield," she sniffed and held back her tears from falling anymore, "you are the strongest and most beautiful person I know, alongside our other family, but…" she cupped his cheek in her palm and raised his heard to meet hers, her eyes shifted to show a level concern that she somehow hadn't reached yet, "Please, let me in at least, Garfield, and share your burden with me. I want to help you as you have helped me through out the time we've known each other, let me show you what you look like in the eyes of those who love you. I cannot bear the thought of someone I love hating themselves, but I am not _weak_ and I can bear any burden you are willing to share."

He continued to stare into the amethyst eyes for several minutes, to be honest he could have done that for an eternity and not cared, he had seen and heard something which he had never known before. How she saw him, and how she believed he should see himself. He didn't agree and knew she wouldn't agree by the time she knew everything, but how could he deny her? He nearly lost her twice and both times were a result of keeping everyone from knowing of his burdens, maybe letting someone in was the solution. He feared this, however, he had always known she and the others were strong enough to share his burden but always believed it was to their benefit, but now that idea had been destroyed. What he feared now was what they would think of him. He couldn't handle being shunned after seeing what Raven thought of him.

This fear was overridden by one fact: he had tried to kill her and now she had the right to demand anything of him.

He nodded into her palm and his tears finally stopped when she smiled at him, a smile he would fight the devil himself (a.k.a her father) to see. She pulled him into closer and held him even tighter than before, and he finally raised his arms to hug her back; he didn't want to let go. She was becoming more precious than anything or anyone to him.

He then heard the vault door open several metres away, and knew the two of them would be on the end of teasing from Cy for at least a week. He could bear with that, he wasn't that _weak_.

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A/N: I hope that was okay. Tell me of any problems, seriously. The aim of this was to let Raven in and give BB the reason and desire to do your wondering aboutthe perception of Rageto BB Rage is an 'it' and to Raven a 'she' and is meant to be the anger spectrum of Raven, and to me doesn't feel anything other than that. I know there's a flaw in the fear part but rage itself is the unleashing of primal instinct and if a primal creature knows and accepts it can't defeat a threat it feels fear and can only act to survive by escape not combat. Or so I think. Pls review.


	6. Guide

**Guide**

"Now," was the simple command Raven gave him as he entered the common room beside her after the day's training session. He had promised to have talks with her after the bank incident nine days ago, but due to that time lapse he had begun to hope she had dropped the idea, and now was the worst possible time for him to have to deal with her interrogation, as he saw it. He was exhausted from his run on the obstacle course which he believed Nightwing had designed pacifically to piss him off, why else did the obstacle course involve earth throwing weapons? Plus, there was the fact he did not actually want to tell Raven what she wanted to know.

He sighed and whined. "Why now? Can't I have one hour to watch T.V?" He tried the puppy dog eye look, but realised he wasn't going to win against the stare of an angry raven. "Okay, where?"

"My room," she stated calmly, this only half surprised him due to the conflicting points of her privacy being violated but his own being respected, he was happy she chose to let him have the privacy, although he hardly deserved it. The others, who were already sporting question marks above their heads after her sudden command to him, simply stared in shock at Raven's words and he couldn't help but smirk as she turned to address them. "What? Since when do I allow you opinions to influence my actions?"

The reaction from the three on looking Titans was mixed: Star was smiling happily, probably at the idea that he and Rae were spending more time together, innocently of course. Nightwing wore an even more confused look than before; presumably since Rae had probably shut off the mental link they shared temporarily so as to keep the leader from the motives of her current actions. Whereas Cy as was wearing a sly look of someone trying to calculate a way to use this as blackmail against him, sometimes he really did not enjoy the robotic man's sense of humour.

Raven paid them no more of her attention and turned to exit the common room and he followed obediently down the corridor to her room, he felt like a dog on a lead. "If you really don't want to do this you don't have to." Dang, he had let himself be caught; he really had to rebuild his defences. However, even though he didn't want to be ordered like this or let her in, he had agreed to let her see show her what troubled him and he didn't break promises like that easily.

"We both know I don't wanna do this, Rae," He smelt a rush of hormones when he used her nickname, "but I agreed to tell you what you wanna know, so it doesn't matter how I feel about it." He paused and grinned before finishing, "By the way, _Rae_, are you blushing?"

"No." She said this with flat tone, but a little too loudly, and he could tell she was embarrassed. A very tense silence was the only audio from then as on until reaching her room. "This will be a fair trade of information," she said facing her room, her face hidden by the classic hood. So, this was her compromise to the situation. He had to give her respect for that; she wasn't willing to demand something private from him without giving something in return. "Letting you into my room is my first trade." He simply nodded, knowing how hard this was for her, listening to her heavy breathes as the door opened.

He looked in and could only describe the room as 'Totally Raven', it had changed since the time he and Cy had intruded and ended up in Nevermore. For one the window on the right hand side of the room now spanned the entire wall rather than just the area next to her bed and there was a single black curtain to separate the room from the world when need be. The curtain was currently closed and lighting was provided by the gothic candle chandelier's which still hung from the ceiling. The bed hadn't changed except it the linen was now all a different shade of purple, instead of the greys and a beige duvet he remembered, including the bed curtain which now completely mimicked Raven's hood. She seemed to have repainted the wall behind her bed herself; the grey leafless trees had been replaced by a night time forest with the moon as the main focus. The carpet and ceiling were still grey but both now contained a swirling mix of red and black lines, reminiscent of Nevermore's sky. The angular divisions separating her bed from the rest of the room had been removed to create a feel of space, he also noticed the mirror above a set draws was now a smooth oval rather than an angular pentagon. The book collection to the left had grown considerably, but one major thing her noticed, "Where's the huge trunk that was next to your closet where it used to be?"

"In the closet, which is now in the far left corner adjacent to my bed." She stated as she walked into the room, as he continued to take in the room, "Is it really that bad?" she asked without turning back to see his face, he could smell her fear of his rejection rather strongly, which made him curious as well as surprised. Why did she fear his opinion of her? She was the reason anyone would stop fearing the dark, he was the one who should and did fear how the world would judge his inner being.

"Nope, it's really that good," he said smiling genuinely, she instantly turned around to face him and his eyes locked with hers, "It's you, Rae, how could I not be amazed?"

"You've always said I am 'creepy'," she replied, breaking eye contact by hiding herself behind her hood. He walked towards her and pulled back her hood and looked deep into her eyes, bringing his face inches from hers never flinching as he spoke.

"Now who's the hypocrite? You kept telling me not to see myself as 'ugly', but here you are doing the exact same thing to yourself," he kept his voice soft and serious, "Every time I said you were 'creepy' I meant that you scare me and you are mysterious." He saw fear and sadness spark in her eyes at his words. "But, who said that is a bad thing. I'm sorry that I hurt you with that word; I know what it's like to be feared and hated as a monster, and to fear that the ones you love see you as that as well. That's part of why we are here isn't it? Just know this, Rae. We are family; you may scare me but only when I have done something that you would hate me for, or when you do something I can't understand. Which lets face it, is completely unavoidable, huh? And you are mysterious since you hide yourself from me and the world." She smiled as he finished, a smile he adored, and he couldn't help but smile back.

"Then, you are 'creepy', Garfield," He couldn't help laughing at her joke, which he knew she meant but the context was too much, even if she had used that name, "So, now we have my first secret revealed, shall we move on to yours?" He nodded reluctantly and followed her signal to sit on the bed, taking off his shoes to seat himself with his legs crossed. She took a position at the head of the bed in the lotus position she used for meditation while he sat at the other end, their stares were locked once again and he refused to be the one to break it and she seemed to rise to that challenge. "Let's start with the obvious," he groaned at this, "Please, take your gloves off, Garfield."

"Can we reach a truce on the name before we move on?" He whined, he wasn't stalling this time he really meant it, to which she raised an eyebrow.

"If you call me 'Rae', then I can call you whatever I want." Ow. She had enjoyed that, and he knew it, despite her maintained monotone. He hung his head in defeat, losing the staring contest; she still had too much right over him for his actions nine days ago for him to argue. "Now, please…"

"I know, I know." He sighed and complied by removing his gloves one at a time revealing his hands, and he was instantly reminded of why he hid them. The memories simply rushed back and began to consume him; he could at least shield himself from them without the reminders staring him in the face. His sorrow grew with each millisecond he looked at them. _His parents' screams, __**that man's**__ laughter, his fear and the pain._ Then something gripped both his hand. It was Raven's smooth pale hands, her thumbs tracing the marks adorning the back of the hands she had grasped.

"Why do you have these symbols on the back your hands? I know the mark on the right means male ( ) and the left symbol is the Greek letter alpha (ά), but I don't know what circumstances surround them?" She asked this with the utmost caution in her voice, which meant she could sense the sorrow and fear that he felt, she had simply picked the wrong thing.

"They mean that I was the primary male specimen that was studied in the S.T.A.R.R. Labs facility in Mossaka. They are branding marks to signify my importance to the lab," he raised his face to meet her eyes with a very serious look, "I was captured as an animal, or demon beast as the locals saw it, in a section of jungle in the Democratic Republic of the Congo but I was taken to Mossaka after being bought by the head scientist of the facility." His rage began to build as he remembered the reason why the man of science had bought him; it wasn't for study it was for personal wealth.

Raven's gaze was soft and understanding, he knew she had experienced similar treatment. She continued to examine his hands intently and he was glad she could not see what he could, "These marks bring you anger?" He nodded, "But why could I sense fear and sorrow in you? You have no other significant marks on your hands that are not from your genetic differences to normal humans, I was expecting signs of torture."

"If you're looking for that you just have to look past the fur on my back, Rae," his tone had become slightly mocking but he brought it back to complete seriousness before continuing, "like I said before: I know how to read my hands you do not." He looked back at his hands and watched his past nightmares unfold, she was wrong about there being no more marks or symbols on his hands. They weren't big but they were there.

"Garfield," her voice snapped him back to reality; it was now nowhere near the standard monotone; it was sad and plea filled, "Please, tell me everything. I want to know, I want to understand why they pain you so." The sadness in her voice was contagious.

"I ran…" were the only words that escaped his mouth before the tears escaped his eyes, which he tried to shut tightly in order to halt the tears; he had been so _weak_ he had run in fear. He was still too _weak_ to truly face what that meant, this coupled with his body's exhaustion, which had now caught up with him just made him want to breakdown. Unknown to him Raven had sensed this and caught him as his body began fall off the bed, she pulled him up to the head of the bead and let him lie there crying.

"Shhh…" she sat with his head on her lap stroking his hair, he just couldn't stop crying, "It's okay, Garfield, just continue when you are ready to." Her voice was more calming than anything he had ever heard before, something beyond the comfort of a mother. He had the fortunate/unfortunate grace of having two women he regarded as his mother, and they were the only people who had ever called him Garfield, even his natural father hadn't called him that. When Raven had joined that group he had rejected the idea but now it seemed more right than anything, it helped sooth the pain of his memories so much he began to form the words in his heads.

Maybe he would no longer be _weak_ if he let that voice, if he let Raven, guide him. Maybe her help could and would allow him to bear it. He reopened his eyes and became once again lost in her amethyst orbs "On my fifth birthday…"

'WAAAAH' The alarm stopped him in mid-sentence as did Raven's, and his new, communicators, "Titans, jewellery theft by a gang of around 20 armed male and female suspects. They have several hostages an-"

"Richard!" Raven interrupted angrily with a tone that he doubted even Nightwing would defy, "I will say this once: Garfield and I are not coming! Find the help you need from someone else and do not question me!" She turned off both the communicators with her powers, and then encasing the entire bed, and them as a result in a sound proof barrier of aura. She turned to face back to his, his head still on her lap, her voice returned to the soothing tone it had been before the interruption, "Please continue, Garfield."

He just had to smile before he happily complied.

A/N: Hands up for those who hate me. It can be either for a bad chapter or ending it there, up to you. The next chapter will obviously be a direct carry on from this, but I need time for good details. I apologise if anyone feels cheated, and if your wondering why I didn't end it with them dealing with the jewelery heist: it's been done. Please tell me about any problems. The past description of Raven's room comes from the episode Nevermore, I was watching it on youtube while writing this. Please review.


	7. Heroine

**Heroine**

"As I saw it everything was perfect," his tears hadn't stopped, but they had definitely slowed and his breathing was half way to normal, "I had everything. A five year old doesn't need much to be happy: a home, a family, and friends. My mom and dad lived where they worked; in the jungles surrounding the Congo River in the Équateur territory. They went as researchers and ended up getting married and raising me there, cliché huh?" He joked trying to lighten his mood, Raven continued stroking his hair and gave an amused hum; she knew him better than he thought he had let her. "We even lived in one of the relatively peaceful times there; I won't say the county was a happy one, Zaire, never was but the common people lived mainly free of violence and so did we."

"Zaire?" Raven asked seemingly confused, he had referred to the country as its current name.

"That's what it was called until the end of the First Congo War; I never saw the fighting up close but I heard the fights going on from the jungle." He realized he was diverting from what he had promised to tell, and when he looked back to Raven and saw a stern, but curious, warning in her eyes and he nodded in response. "We lived next to a small village that surrounded the Congo River, north-east from Mbandaka. My parents had lived there since the seventies and my birth was as a full tribe member, even after turning green they still regarded me as one of there own children." His tears began to regain momentum as he remembered the life he had lost, and the fact it was because he had been _weak_ didn't help him right now.

"What happened, Garfield?" Rae's voice remained soothing and contained a level of understanding of his loss, "No matter the events that happened you were too young to possibly have any control in them."

"Always protect the ones you love from harm." His raised his ungloved hands so he could face the reminders of his failure, his tears gaining in number. "It was the one absolute rule my parents taught me, not out of strict discipline; it was their way of life, and it's my way of life, Rae." His voice didn't faulter despite his tears, he could not and would not allow it, and he meant those words. "My dad saved me from certain death, Rae, even though everyone told him I would die from Sakutia. Only my mom believed in him, but I doubt he even needed that, he would have saved me anyway. My mom had already saved me from just dying at the hands of the ape that attacked me because it was finally dying from Sakutia. That's who they were, Rae: heroes."

"So, are you, Garfield," Raven cut in, "You risk your life night and day for people you don't even know, as well as the ones you love." Her voice now containing worry at his words, _fine_, if she wanted to know why he saw himself the way he did.

"For my fifth birthday my parents took me for a boat ride down the river since my favourite game was to explore the shores for miles each way with my friends from the village. When we came back..." He lost his voice at the memory, Raven remained silent realizing the subject he had changed to, "It was burning; everything was burning. Our home, the village, the surrounding jungle, even the villagers themselves! I could see what looked like an army shooting the villagers, _my tribe_, and setting new fires. I simply froze and cried in fear; I just couldn't do anything else! My dad went to help the tribe, while my mom hid me from sight and told me to be quiet before following. I just remained frozen by my fear I just watched as my whole world was burnt or shot in front of me."

He sat up still glaring at the lines of his palms; re-living a nightmare that he had refused to face in years. His voice became loud and raspy; his tears written into his words. "Even when my mom stumbled back into my sight bleeding; I just remained frozen. I watched as _**he**_ walked up behind her and shot her in the back, all I did was look into her eyes as she screamed at me to run! Then, I just ran! How could I just do that!? I let _**him**_ destroy my whole world, while _**he**_ laughed in front of me. I left my mom to die! I never even saw my dad again! I ran because I was too scared. I was scared because I knew I was too _weak_!" He still couldn't bring himself to say _**his**_ name; he was still too _weak_ to face that man without fear. This was why he knew the world would hate him: he was a _monster_. "It was first time I ever changed: my fear drove me to any resort to getaway, that's how _weak_ I was! I tapped into my powers that bring me physical pain so I could run, even after that I still didn't try to save anyone I just kept running! And when I couldn't do that anymore I just sat down and cried into my palms." Raven seemed to make no response to his words from behind him, but the barrier of aura dissipated.

"My age has nothing to do with it! I can remember every detail of my hands on that night: the scratches from trees and earth, the natural lines. Every time I see my hands I remember those details. Each one reminds me of the truth: I let the ones I loved **die**! I'm nothing but a _weak mon_-" He was cut off by Raven's smooth hand clasping over his mouth from behind. He felt her chin rest on his shoulder which caused her breath to tickle the nook of his neck, while tears that weren't his landed on the said shoulder, her over arm wrapped around his torso.

"Do not finish that sentence." Her voice was quiet and tearful, but her proximity made it the only thing he could hear; this was a reaction he had not expected. His surprise caused his tears to finally lose intensity but it didn't soften the sadness he could smell from her. "Garfield, let me remind you of a truth. You were an infant; no infant is expected to even be able to protect themselves, let alone the ones they love. The ones they love, or rather the ones that love them, protect them. That's exactly what your parents did. From what you describe; it sounds as if they achieved this right up until their dying moment. Do not hate yourself, Garfield. Your mother gave her life for you, as I am sure your father did. I won't say it's something to be happy over, I am not happy my mother sacrificed her life for me, but I do not hate myself for her death. Do you know why?" He turned to face her now; she had never spoken to him of her mother. He only knew from Nightwing that Trigon had killed her mother before the demon's resurrection, because her mother had attempted to halt the prophecy. Her eyes were glowing with tears of sorrow, but it wasn't from her memories, he could sense it was from his words and his feelings. "My mother wanted me to live. She did not hate me for what my conceiving and birth had brought her. She loved me enough to risk her life for me, as you all did. I can't say I don't feel responsible but I refuse to hate myself because of it."

"How could you hate yourself for that, Rae? If I was the one who lost my life for yours I wouldn't want you hate yourself for that, I'd just be happy that I dyed for something as good as that" His voice now an instrument of sincerity, he didn't even understand of Trigon could hate her, other than maybe the fact Trigon hated everyone. Raven's eyes and voice took on a stern tone as well as the sadness they already possessed.

"Stop being a hypocrite, Garfield. You are doing exactly that." She brought her hands behind his neck and pulled his face to hers so their foreheads met, so he could only see her eyes, even though he could have sworn he had seen several random objects begin to levitate. Which he now became hopelessly lost in, they were simply mesmerizing and her soft voice only helped that effect. His tears finally stopped. "Your mother, your father, your tribe. They all died protecting the ones they loved. If that includes you then you should not hate yourself, you should enjoy living for them, not suffering. Just from what you said you should realize that is exactly what your mother wanted."

"Why-- would she want that? Why would any of them want that?" He whimpered as he continued to gaze into her eyes, "_**He**_ even said I was part of the reason." He hadn't told her that; it was what made his family's lives his responsibility. "_**He**_ killed them all because of me!" His tears began to flow again. "_**He**_ told me he wanted me and the villagers wouldn't tell them where I or my parents were. _**He**_ just came because of me. If I hadn't ever been there the village wouldn't have even been attacked. _**He**_ may have even not hurt my parents if I hadn't survived Sakutia."

"STOP IT!" Raven's eyes now personified sorrow itself, and he heard the, now confirmed, randomly floating objects explode. Her voice was now a yell, and filled with a sadness Star showed when one of the team was seriously injured, "Who is '_**He**_'?" He refused to give that answer, to which Raven quickly lost her patience and continued. "Even if you were part of a mad man's motive it doesn't make you responsible! Did you blame me for my father!?" He winced under gaze, "No! You did not! Did we blame Starfire for Blackfire's actions!? Did we blame Robin for Slade's persistant mind games!?" That one hurt him at the thought of what she meant, her voice returned to normal volume but she didn't return to monotone, "Stop blaming yourself for something that you could not possibly control, please, Garfield. It doesn't make you _weak_ or _ugly_." Her tears escaped her eyes once more, and she was the one to break the current stare they shared, removing her forehead from his. He instantly cupped her chin, making sure not to scratch her smooth skin, and brought her brilliant eyes back to his.

"Do not cry, Rae, please. Otherwise I really won't be able to stop hating myself." He meant that with every fibre in his body, her tears were a sight he could not bear just for the pain they showed within her. "Can we save your second question for our next 'talk'?" She nodded in his palm. "Thank you, tonight you have been a hero, or rather heroine, to me, Rae." He leant forward and kissed lightly on the forehead. He knew how big a step that was and was rather surprised, but pleased in a lot of ways, the only reaction was complete stillness and an obvious blush. He swiveled and put his feet to the ground on the left side of the bed; put on his boots and left to return to his own room without another word.

He felt lighter. The knowledge Raven did not hate him was an incredible boost to him, the memory wasn't his only pain but it was one of the biggest. The fact she was still willing to share his past, and the fact she was willing to share hers, felt like an incredible weight off his mind. Not to mention she hadn't thrown him into hell for kissing her, even it was just the forehead.

As he fell down to rest on his bed he was the happiest he had ever been in years. He had no idea where he had gained the resolve to kiss her. Ever since Terra he had been afraid of letting himself care for anyone in that way again, and he was sure that Malchior still affected her resolve in such matters as well. But he now felt he could trust her with everything and he wasn't ashamed to admit that. He could shout that admission to the heavens, if Cy wouldn't use it against him. However, Cy's extortion abilities were worth being _weak_ over when faced with them.

--

A/N: I first have to apologise to anyone offended by the mention of The First Congo War in this story. I simply want to keep to real world history, since any history I make up for a region would be disrespectful in my opinion. I use it on the basis of the country I chose as BB's origin and the fact he is meant to be 20 in the story which is set in the current year. Read the history and check the dates if you want, but I assure everyone I mean no offense only aiming for accuracy.  
Anyway, I want opinion's on this because I'm not sure if it works so please tell if anything should be changed because I will definitely consider it.

Repost due to very bad metaphor in original


	8. Confusion

**Confusion**

That scent, no matter how faint, was not something he could ignore. He couldn't find the source now; he was occupied with the 35 ton locomotive, now fifty metres in front of him, heading toward him and for disaster.

Control Freak had thought it would be fun to play Sim City with the cities transport systems, and he personally knew why anyone gave any attention to the transport system in that game: to see the trains go boom. _"That's the whole point of Sim City, Titans! Build the city and then blow it up in the coolest way possible! This way I get to skip the boring part of the game! Wuhahha!"_ Had been the sweatball's last words before he'd taped over the villain's mouth with duct tape, even he appreciated quiet when it was needed. He was just grateful the social reject didn't have access to some kind of natural disaster or 'alien attack' buttons; those were the ways he blew up his virtual cities.

Nightwing had been quick in devising a plan of dealing with the problem; everyone except the team leader would have to stop the trains said leader couldn't via the computer that Freak had been using. Simple, except it was impossible for Nightwing to eliminate it down to just four. Even with reinforcements from Titans East and Jinx, Flash still yet to recover completely from the broken leg he suffered from Rage even despite Rae's insistent healing of the injury, they were still limited to eight. Nightwing had said it would be luck if he could narrow down the, hundred and fifty rough, trains going in, out, throughout and under the city to twenty five, after the complex division he figured 3 each plus one for someone.

(A/N: Cyborg, Raven, Starfire, Beast Boy, Speedy, Bumblebee, Aquaman, Jinx with Más y Menos, because Más y Menos have no chance of stopping a train on their own.)

He'd been able to stop his first two by simply disconnecting the runaway engines from the passenger cars and then have the people on the train engage the emergency brake; the engineer on the first train had explained that with the engine's emergency brakes had no effect and that engaging the cars' at full speed was suicide. While he blew up the engines from the inside when the cars had fallen a safe distance behind and then let everything run to a halt, or slow safe impact with the buffers at the end of the line. This wasn't going to be that simple, though; it was too near the end of the line and the engine was now positioned at the back rather than the front. He knew he did have enough time to shutdown the engine but the cars wouldn't reach a safe enough speed, aka 70 mph, to engage the brakes.

'_Well, better think of someit, dude.'_ He thought to himself as the runaway loco, as he had just nicknamed it, continued towards his position. He was currently a baboon poised on one of the line's signals ready to leap on to the loco as it passed. He cleared his mind of everything that could serve as a distraction, namely that scent, _**his**_ scent, and let his senses begin to guide him. He leapt forward with everything possible just as the joint between the third and forth car passed under him changing back into human to dig his claws into whatever surface he met. He landed on the sixth car due the loco's speed, but failed to implant any grip in the smooth metal surface. He let himself flip and roll back, being careful to avoid contact with the train, and hit the eighth and final car, which contained the overridden engine, and hammered his gloved claws into the steel, as well as his feet, to finally maintain some grip.

The backwind was incredible, it hurt, probably a result of a speed close to the loco's reported top speed of 130 mph, but he refused to let go. In an effort to save time he tore back the steel roof of the car to reveal a frantic train engineer still trying to use the hacked electronic controls of the engine. The engineer instantly looked up at him with a terrified but now slightly hopeful eyes, "Took you long enough, hey?" the engineer joked trying to lighten up a bit, to which he smiled.

"Yeah, sorry," he replied, jumping into the car, "Already had to catch two trains and both were late. Modern transport, it can just drive you mad." The engineer's appreciation of the returned humor was evident, but now he had to be serious, "I need you to get everyone out the first two cars okay, and keep yourself out of here," he stated revealing the explosives he was gonna use on the engine, to which the reply was a shocked look. "Trust me about this, okay." A simple nod was the reply before the engineer turned to the door, _shoot_, "Oh, yeah don't forget to hit the breaks after the second bump not the first." After a weird look from the man he was left with his work and set the explosives before following, and he began walking to the front of the train.

"GET BACK!" he yelled as he walked into the back passenger car, once the occupants had obeyed, he pulled out his communicator and pressed the now flashing red button on the side, _cliché_, 'BOOM!' The explosion didn't damage the engine car exterior, but thick smoke could be seen rising from the whole he'd left in the roof, and caused the definite first 'bump' to the train. He quickly turned and ran past the stunned passengers into the next cars, knowing that he didn't have the time to stand around, even despite the evident deceleration of the loco. However, when he reached the fourth car he was overcome by a familiar scent.

It wasn't _**his**_ scent from before; he turned to his left and saw two scared azure eyes of a tall, slim, blond woman staring at him. _Terra_!? For one instant everything stopped; there was no train, no one else, no sense of urgency, nothing. His sorrow, anger, despair, fear all consumed at that precise moment as he looked into the eyes which he had once adored before their owner cast him aside as if he were nothing. For that one instant he was less than nothing and as that he could not feel the rest of the world, all he could feel was the pain, the _**worst**_ pain, of being less than nothing.

Then, he removed himself from that pain; he would not and could not face it, not now maybe even ever. He didn't care about bearing or sharing the burden when it came to the pain Terra caused him, it was too great, he simply refused to face it. It didn't matter if he wasn't _weak_; he would simply break under that pain if he acknowledged it for longer than an instant. He didn't deny Terra's existence, or what she had done, or the effect her actions had on his ability to let someone that close again; he denied the resultant pain of her… ripping his heart to pieces. He turned away from the blue eyes he had once been willing to kill for just to see again.

He almost immediately devised a plan to resolve the situation as quickly as possible, and it was one that would provide a great enough distraction for him to ignore Terra's presence. He ran at full pelt to the first car and looked out of the front window; he noticed they were quickly nearing a wide train, _'Perfect,'_ but he could easily make out the end buffers of the track, perhaps 300 metres away, meaning he had extremely little time left. _Doesn't matter_, he was all for getting out the general area within the next few minutes. With Terra's scent still lingering in his nostril's it was becoming harder and harder to continue to push away the pain, he knew it was impossible to face now at the very least; there were too many lives at steak, including hers which still meant a great deal to him.

'_At least this will distract me.'_ He thought to himself with a joking attitude, this was gonna hurt like hell: it wasn't everyday he took on a 36 ton loco, now moving at roughly 85+ mph, with nothing but brute force, that was more Star's department. He shifted into the Beast and broke open the car's front door with relative ease, and relished the strong blast of fresh air it allowed into the car. After moving to the back of the car he crouched and then thrust himself forward with enough force to make his next step the front or the car on which he shot forward with every ounce of strength he had. Now came the tricky part.

He turned back to face the train and clenched his eyes shut, as he began to shift into what had sparked Raven's new mission to understand him. No doubt she would want to know what had caused the recent spike in his emotional pain just now, but even though he didn't want to trouble her further; this was almost a perfect solution to his current situation. The physical pain of his new form, which it was already beginning to cause, would distract him from the emotional torture that just nearly consumed him, and that was still trying to do so. As well as allow him to prove how important it was for him not to be _weak_ to her and show how powerful he could be with control of his powers in this way.

He felt every bone move, crack, grow, reform and felt new ones do the same, especially his skull which not only became considerably larger, but also took on a shape which he had never experienced in any other form. This was along side, the destruction of his old and, the growth of his new internal organ system which he had based on a snake's; he had been rather surprised in looking back that it worked on this scale. His skin began to crack and harden, becoming almost like diamond, new sets of legs sprouted from the underbelly of the form as it lengthened, which intern sprouted feet made of five razor sharp claws. Wings grew, almost correspondingly to the legs, from his scaled back, and a spiked mace like tail formed at the end of the form, as he finally finished completing it.

The whole process took the same time as a blink of the eye, but to him it was days, weeks and months; the pain was just as sharp and heavy has it had three weeks ago. Then, he had been able to overcome the pain with the sheer excitement he had from the idea of being a dragon, but now it didn't bring excitement; it brought a never-ending relief. He couldn't even remember exactly why it brought that relief; all he knew was that this pain prevented him feeling a pain he knew would be so much more unbearable.

He regained full awareness of the situation within seconds of losing it, but now he was ready for the train that he could sense was only metres in front of him, which would hit him in a matter of seconds. He was now his vision of a Chinese Yang dragon: 80ft long, at least 120 tons, his body was 8ft wide and eleven feet thick, ten pairs of legs set 7ft apart leaving 10ft of tail, each foot proudly owning a five claws, eight pairs of large thin wings at least five feet apart, his back now displayed diamond hard scales with a spiked ridge lining his spine, with a smooth underbelly. He hadn't tried out the fire breathing abilities, and he doubted he would be able to succeed in that department without altering the internal network, but the form was definitely not cold blooded or cold breathed. His insides felt like a furnace and his mouth wasn't far behind. He opened his eyes with considerable difficulty due to the forms' scales and the fact the every millisecond he spent in the form brought a pain that was beyond his threshold to withstand. However, he refused to return to human despite the protests of his body; he was strong enough to live with this pain, but he knew he was too _weak_ to face the pain that awaited him if he left it now, which included being flattened by the loco in front of him.

He hit the ground with a considerable tremor in the ground, to be expected really since he was two thirds the size of a blue whale, each of his claws dug into the tracks below; he criss-crossed three lanes of the train yard, the loco had entered, with his curving body and crouched his head to ram the slowing, but still rapid, train.

The train was still taller than his body, considering the wheels, and was still going a mean 80mph, but he outweighed it by over three times and he was certain he could match the force. He rammed his head and body forward to meet the front of the train; steel met skull in a moment that seemed to stand still until the steel folded beneath his skull, providing the second definite 'bump' to the train. None of his numerous claws gave way but the ground and tracks beneath them did, and he was slid back while he maintained fierce resistance to the loco. He could tell the speed had dropped considerably, perhaps too much so for all the passengers to be unscathed but he was sure they would be alright, but then the front car buckled from the track as a definite screech came from the emergency brakes. _Damn,_ this was going to make things complicated, and considering he lacked most of his higher thought, not that he had a lot anyway, it would make things very difficult to keep under control.

He arched the top of his spine, rather hard to define as a neck right now, and lifted his head over the dented car and brought his front claws in to grapple it. It was working, but the strain of all the factors was beginning to take its toll on his mind. _'Rae is going to have a real bitch fit over this later'_, why he thought or even how he thought that was beyond him, it just made him feel rather content and he wanted to laugh warmly on the inside. It made him forget the pain that had been consuming him as he maintained the dragon form and grappled against the train. Right now the idea of how Rae would scold him for letting his body be in this much pain was just down right hilarious.

'_When did she start caring this much, huh?' _he thought laughing to himself, completely devoid from his physical situation, _'Since when did I become more than the annoying little brat she found annoying? She always cared, I know that, but since when did she care enough to want to be the one to understand? Nevermind that, why did she blush when I simply called what I've always called her on instinct? Why didn't she destroy me for kissing her on the forehead?'_ For some reason these questions voided him from reality and he became ever more curious to the answers, he'd completely forgotten everything that had troubled him earlier, or even what troubled him now. All that occupied his head was Raven and her actions recently towards him; he had never fully understood her, but now he was becoming ever more confused by her, and by how he thought of her. _'She's more than family, she's…'_

Reality finally caught him, forcing him to revert to human form, and he became lost in a realm of darkness; the last thing he saw was the motionless train, now safe from disaster, but that was only the background. What drew his attention was the pale, purple cloaked goddess running towards him and screaming his name as he fell to the wrecked ground.

A genuine smile firmly planted on his face.

--

A/N: Once again sorry about the delay. I hope that was okay. Many things really explored in this. One, how BB dealt with Terra. The idea is that this is one burden he is willing to run away from despite the his refusal to so for any other, because it is the greatest pain he has felt and thertefore refuses to face it because it hurts that much, and he is willing to do pretty much anything to avoid it. Two, how important Rae has become to BB. I admit it seems a bit random to think like that while feeling a great amount of agony and desperation, but think of the one you love, even when you don't realise it can be the most comforting thing a person can do. The rest is for the rest of the story. If you want me to continue of course. Please review.


	9. Happiness

**Happiness**

He couldn't see, _why?_ He could hear someone breathing heavily, in time with a heart monitor and a steady thump in his ears, it was his breathing. He could smell something, he couldn't pin it down to a name but it just made him content to rest quietly, temporarily of course. The taste in his mouth was medicine and his own bad breath; needless to say it wasn't pleasant. His sense of touch was what concerned him though; he was in a bed, no better place to be, but it sure as hell wasn't his it was one of those awful medic room beds. Why was he in the medic room anyway? Must have been a big deal for him to be hooked up to a heart monitor and a drip in his… hand. His gloves! They were off! What the hell!?

He could feel a steady breeze brush against the skin, nothing new but he'd never had them taken off during recovering, then again he'd never been knocked out long enough for them to give him a nutrition drip. _Damn_, now the questions were gonna fly at him from every direction and he'd been struggling to cope with just Raven breathing down his neck. His main reason for hiding his hands was for his own benefit, but it had been tactical as well since the branding marks were not something the others would expect and hiding the marks prevented any curious digging into his past. His minor panic and dread was ended when he noticed something else.

Another person's hands were inspecting his right, one hand gently clutched his from underneath and the thumb seemed to circling his palm, the other hand seemed to be fascinated by his claws that replaced his fingertips; one finger seemed to be testing each claw for sharpness. This confused him a lot, who would want to inspect his hands like this? To others he had thought the questions would be based around the back of his hands, but whoever this person was their actions suggested a never-ending curiosity with the palm and claws. He could presume they weren't surprised by the marks on his hands and that meant they knew about the marks, and that narrowed down the list considerably. Plus, from the scent in his nostrils he could narrow it down to the three people who knew about those scars that he didn't despise, and narrowed it down further to two from the definite feminine quality of the scent. For some reason his brain refused to let him to choose from the scent between the two, he thought his eyes were open and that he'd been robbed of site, but he tried opening them anyway and failed to make any impression on the darkness. _'Must still be out of it,'_ he thought to himself, still he had another method, but it just wasn't something he was good at: logic. There was no way it could be Rita, so it had to be…

"Azar ka-zon thu uon," singing interrupted his thoughts, it was definitely Rae no other voice could be as soothing as hers when she wanted it to be, "Mesitri hatho tunira zinthos."

'_Wait, Rae's singing!?'_ If this was part of his imagination it was being exceptionally cruel, this sound gave him comfort beyond words, and if he was imagining this he'd never be able to hear it again. He replaced his confusion with absolute resolve; he had to see her sing just to know his mind wasn't trying to make him hear a dream that was so near and yet never there. With iron will he forced his eyelids to move, he didn't care if he was even supposed to be dead according to his body, he could not and would not miss this for the world. A small line of vision crossed his eyes.

It was Raven and she was singing with that voice of hers that belonged in whatever heavens existed, he had never heard something so comforting. He didn't understand any of the words, presumably the language of Azarath. He didn't need to, its beauty was beyond any lullaby he had ever heard in his childhood and that was quite a long list sung by both the women he regarded as his mother. All he wanted to do was sit there listening to her song, but to watch was a chore; she smelt so worried and fearful, not something he sensed in her often. Her voice was not sad, he knew it wasn't meant to be, but seeing Raven like this made him want to cry. Her face was hidden behind her hood and her eyes were downcast to his hand which her hands continued to examine. Her seating position was next to his right hand and facing him but she hadn't noticed his gaze at all, and she seemed too distracted by what troubled her to notice he was awake. He wagered the song was more to comfort herself than it was encourage him to awaken. He sacrificed any remaining time listening to her, after two minutes of being selfish, in the hope to alleviate her concern. "_That_ is the most beautiful song I've ever heard, Rae," he said with a labored voice which brought back the memory of why he was here, _'Ah, that's why.'_

Raven's reaction was one of complete shock, another situation he rarely sensed, she stopped singing, in what seemed to be mid-line, removed her hands from his and the surgical tools cabinet door imploded. Her eyes instantly shot to meet with his and despite the hood preventing him from seeing it he could smell the blush across her face. He chuckled, lightly for comfort, and sat up straight against the head of the bed, "Sorry, didn't mean to scare ya, Rae," he said cheekily.

Raven regained her composure quickly and brought out her trademark glare, "Are you ever going to grow up?" he shook his head fiercely in response to irritated question. "How long were you listening?" she now asked with a very dangerous, but somehow nervous, voice.

"Azar ka-zon thu uon," he stated simply, not wanting to insult her with an imitation, "It was beautiful." She hid her reaction well from his eyes, and he refused to smell her scent this time to respect her privacy, a little return on how she had respected his recently. "My turn now, how long was I out?" even though he knew where this would lead too, he was willing to face the conversation because it was her. "Oh, and is this our second 'talk'?"

"Three days and yes," she replied returning to monotone, while pulling her hood back to reveal the monotone expression, "and I believe your two questions make us equal currently. I will let you ask the next question," he sensed an immediate regret for her statement and he grinned mischievously; he knew exactly what she regretted.

"Aww, come on, Rae. You asked way more questions during the first 'talk', don't I at least get one extra?" the instant annoyance at how she could have avoided that retort was easy to read, but it was totally worth it. "Okay, okay, my reserve question is… where are the others?" This served to annoy her further since he had asked the question to avoid a technicality, he knew, she wouldn't have used. She sighed in defeated annoyance, a sound that was simple music to his ears when he had intended it to happen.

"Richard is comforting Starfire in the common room, your injuries and your unconscious state has caused her considerable worry and sadness," he sighed at this predictable truth, he knew Star was a sensitive one and he'd have to apologize to her as well as Rae, "Victor is in the garage working on the T-car, I haven't allowed him in here since two days ago and he's probably worried about you and confused about me." That answer certainly raised another question.

"Why haven't you let Cy in here, Rae? I thought he was the one who knew how these things worked," he said as he gestured to the medical equipment connected to him. He noticed an amused look cross Raven's face, and although he would usually jump for joy at such a site he had the impression she was laughing at him. "What?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

"You think Victor is the only one who knows how to operate the medical equipment?" her tone was still very close to monotone, but the impression she found something funny was definitely there. What on earth was so funny about him believing that? "You're the only one in the tower who doesn't know how to operate any of it, Garfield." Now that was surprising, not insulting since he didn't want to know about the apparatus, but he could feel the stupefied face he was wearing, and it caused Raven's amusement to be enough to actually make her smile. That smile, which was worth looking stupid over any day of the year. "Anyway," Rae cut in to his thoughts, while returning to complete monotone in both voice and face, "Victor had stated you would need a drip in your arm and the best place to inject would be the back of your hand. The reason I gave for making everyone stay out was that I want to look after you, and that I need the room to be empty of other people in order to use my magic effectively." That was an unexpected tactic; usually she would find some way to cover her actions of personal kindness towards him but she had used it as the cover this time; he had to wonder what had changed. Furthermore, he couldn't sense any lingering embarrassment in the statement, so she he guessed she was proud that she had used that tactic, but why would she be? "However, the real reason is that I know the mark on the back of your hand would raise suspicion and that the others would become curious and inquire to how you got it, as well as the mark on your left hand. Am I right in thinking that you are still not ready for that?" she seemed to be hiding another motive but he doubted it was really his business.

He nodded gratefully, "Thanks… Raven," he replied getting an assuring hum from her. He leaned back against the head rest and turned his eyes away from her and looked out the window, which was across the room, simply staring contently at the ocean. He didn't really know why he did this, but Rae did not press him, he wasn't really thinking just feeling good, as if he was resting without sleeping. _'Still out of it a bit, huh?'_ He was brought out his daydream by Raven's hands taking up their examination of his right hand once again. "Are they really that interesting?" he asked, referring to the details of his hand, he did not turn to watch her.

"They are currently the third most interesting thing in the room," his nostrils sensed a hint of a blush, this made him curious; something in that reply made her nervous. He turned his head to face her again, but could not meet her eyes since she turned her face downward and was focused on his hand. Then, her smooth fingers ran across his palm. That was certainly a new and _different_ feeling; a cold shiver had run through his arm to his lungs and made his breathing very slow, rather than just heavy, the heart monitor started sounding like Morse code signal. However, he was certain Rae had felt that too, she had lifted her face to meet his and the expression was not monotone but he wouldn't have been able to read it even if he hadn't been so distracted himself.

It was something he had never seen on her face before, and he was certain he was wearing a similar look, but it was almost better than her smile. In one word: surprised. In two words: surprised and happy. In three; dreamy, surprised and happy, but he felt any number of words would still leave something to be explained. Their eyes remained locked for a considerable amount of time, at least he thought it was, but it didn't feel long enough and he doubted it ever would. Raven was the one to end the silent moment, but he could see her desire not to do so written into her eyes, her determination to ask her question written into her voice. She released his hand and officially began the 'talk'.

"What did you become to cause yourself that much physical pain?" her eyes were now stern but contained genuine worry; he did not break the stare, he had to meet her gaze now out of respect. Her voice now became silent and sad, as did her eyes, but she too refused to break the contact between their eyes, "Why did you experience so much emotional pain, even if it was only for a second?"

He gave a long and painful sigh, not letting his eyes leave her amethyst orbs, "Was it really that long?" he asked, thinking back to the moment her had seen Terra. Raven's glare implied her impatience for an answer and he complied, "It was my version of a Chinese Yang Dragon, five claws on the feet is what sets it apart, mainly, from the dragons in Japanese myths. It's what I was three weeks ago, when you started being so interested in me. Which leads me to my question; why are you trying to understand me?" He avoided telling her about Terra for now, he knew he would have too eventually but he wanted to know the answer to his question first; he had to feel as if he was in some form of control.

"You will answer my second question once I have answered your first," that was not a question, but he still replied with a nod. She wasn't angry; she seemed disappointed at his continued evasion, just how much had her opinion of him changed? Did she really want his complete trust to share feelings he had never trusted anyone with? He couldn't say he didn't trust her with them now, he did, he simply wanted to know the answer to his question; he wanted her to understand her, he wanted her to trust him as much as he had come to trust her. She closed her eyes, drew in a breath, and reopened them with what appeared to be an iron resolve, and somehow she didn't end the stare even in his opinion. "It is because you need someone to understand you, Garfield. You were the main person in bringing me to believe that about myself, and over years since the team formed I have learned that you still hide things from everyone, even Victor, maybe even yourself." These points hammered home hard and he was forced to finally end the shared gaze in shame and turned his eyes back to the window, "And I…" she paused, seemingly nervous about whether or not she should continue. Then, she suddenly grasped his hand again tightly, making him become lost in her eyes once again. From what he could see in her eyes, and smell of her scent, the gesture was more to prove to herself she had the courage to continue than anything else; she was telling herself to take control. Her voice was just as scared of his rejection as her eyes, "I want to be the one to understand you, Garfield."

_What!?_ Had he heard her right!? He was more than stunned. He couldn't believe what she had just admitted to him, he was so sure it couldn't have happened he was scared. Then he saw the affect of his reaction on Rae, and instantly realized how his reaction could be interpreted. Her face was downcast, hand clutching her mouth, tears were beginning to fall form the precious eyes she possessed, and several objects in the room began to fly. He couldn't feel the pain she was experiencing but he knew exactly what kind it was, but he wouldn't even guess as to how bad it was. He had only experienced once, and he still fled from that, this would be her second and he didn't want to ever know what that was like, especially if he ever dealt with the first. He practically leapt forward, despite his body's resistance, to embrace her and then let how he really felt about her statement take hold. He put his mouth next to her right ear and whispered, "I want you to be the one to understand, Rae," the, later to be identified, floating objects dropped to the floor. He lifted her up, in a bear hug, from her chair and hoisted her up onto the bed, positioning her so she was seated directly in front of him, ignoring his body telling him not to. "I realized that during our first 'talk', because I know I can trust you with anything, Rae," tears began to trickle down his face as he confessed this truth; he was just so happy, each tear falling on to her cloak.

Her crying had stopped, her breathing soft, but she remained still. Why didn't she respond!? Her left arm then moved up and between them as she pulled her head back, and for one instant he believed beyond that she had rejected him. The pain was indescribable; it surpassed anything that Terra spurred within him, however he was saved from breaking by her eyes instantly destroying that belief, she was as happy as he was he was. She then unclipped her cloak and discarded it with her raised hand and brought up her other arm as well to embrace him around the neck, and he reaffirmed his hug around her now uncloaked form in return. "May I, please, change my second question, Garfield?" she murmured gently into his ear, "I will ask for the answer again, however." He nodded obediently; he could not and would not deny her now, "Why did you kiss me?" bringing her head back to lock eyes once again with him, her voice was as soothing as anything he could imagine, except for those eyes.

"Because, I can trust you with anything, Rae," was his simple, but infinite, answer. She understood completely, her eyes seemed to dance at that understanding. "My turn," he said, half smiling and half grinning, "Will you sing again for me, please?" Her reaction was a smile that seemed to evolve to laughter and he just had to join in, but neither of them let the other go, and they laughed even harder when they noticed several re-floating objects. Eventually they stopped laughing, and the objects became stationary in the air, "Will you?" he asked, seriously, to which Rae smiled, the smile that was the one thing more beautiful than her eyes and more precious than her laughter, and nodded. He smiled brightly in response.

He leant back onto the bed, and gently pulled her with him, and turned onto his right side so they faced each other with their heads on the pillow. He met gaze contently as she began to sing, "Azar ka-zon thu uon," and he became lost in the words and her eyes. To him this was happiness, he knew it wouldn't last forever but he'd do anything to be in this situation again; listening to Rae sing whilst gazing into her amethyst eyes.

--

A/N: For some reason instead of a new Concern chapter I started to write this, I don't know why. Anyway, even though this would count as a 'content' ending, I'm not ending it here becasue I'm not evil or dumb and know the consequences if I ended it now. Unless you want it to be the end. Main reason though is that I already have an ending written in my head involving **_him_**. I do hope it was okay, point of chapter is to allow BB to open up completely for later.If you want a chapter directly after this in which he talks about Terra with Rae and then say so; obviously it'll include more than that. Please review.

P.S: I know the Raven singing thing has been done before, but I like the idea to be honest.


	10. Rhythm

**Rhythm**

After Rae finished her song, much to his dismay, they remained silent. It was a silence that he was perfectly comfortable with and he let himself explore her eyes and basked in her presence and scent, and was pleasantly surprised she let him despite her previously stated desire to continue the 'talk'. However, this did not last long due to a polite knock on the door, "Friend Raven, I am hoping to inquire as to whether friend Beast Boy's condition has improved. May I come in?" _Shoot._ He had been happy in the moment and now Starfire come along and ruined it, but somehow his mood wasn't ruined. The alien princess had a way of ruining a moment in a way that so no one could feel annoyed, even if they had wanted the moment to last forever. _Heck,_ she was the only one who could still call Nightwing Robin and not earn a scowl. He raised himself to a seating position cautiously to avoid any protests from his body, as Raven rose off the bed and picked up her discarded cloak.

"You can come in Starfire," Raven replied, unlocking the door with her magic, adorning the cloak once again. As Raven turned away from the door to face him again she gave him a look, which effectively yelled its message at him: _"I am not finished, Garfield"_. He nodded, realizing that she had only let Star in to alleviate the princess' worries about his health, as Rae sat back in the seat she had been using when he woke up. The doors opened to reveal a down spirited Tameranean; not a sight that was easy on the heart, but Star light up like a firework at seeing him awake. She squeaked, loudly and happily, and ran towards him, barely giving him time to brace for the signature bone cracking hug.

"This is most glorious, friend Beast Boy," she said as he began to lose the ability to breathe, "I am so relieved you are finally awake, we will have to celebrate with a traditional Tameran…" she paused finally noticing the affect her hug was having. "Um, friend Beast Boy why are you turning blue, you are usually always green?" he used his hands to signal for her to loosen her grip, Star instantly blushed in embarrassment at the fact she had unwittingly crack several of his ribs and let him go, allowing him to take in long and heavy breaths. "Oh, I am most sorry, friend, I did not mean to harm you."

He chuckled, or rather rasped, at her innocent words; some things should never change, including Star. "It's okay, Star, I'm good. Even you can't break this creaky old body o' mine that easily," he noticed Rae roll her eyes at his attempted humor, _'Aw well'_, it made Starfire giggle at the very least. He patted his fist against his chest for mock strength, "Sorry for making ya worry, Star, how's your hubby been coping without me to yell at?"

During Star's time on earth she had picked up quite a lot on how to tell if someone was joking, or using slang, but when it came to the feelings of her friends, especially Nightwing, she rarely appreciated it. "I will have you know that lover Robin has been very kind in helping me cope with my sadness that was caused by your injuries," her voice changed from stern, to giddy admission, "but, he has been considerably more _aggressive_ in many of his activities." Another she thing had learned was how to be subtle, but he still knew exactly what she meant when she stressed that word. One thing he had learned over recent years was that despite the Tameranean princess's innocence in many areas, she wasn't very innocently minded in others, maybe in experience but not in mind; Nightwing had learned that the hard way.

"Whoa! Too much info, Star," he said playfully, waving his hands at her, this time earning a sigh from the empath to his right. He turned to face her again, "Come on, Rae, you know that one was too easy to pass up," the answer was a sarcastic stare; evidently it didn't earn the words. Then something grabbed his left hand and hoisted it up causing him to turn away from her, _'Aw, crap!'_, his gloves were still off.

Starfire was now examining the alpha symbol with extreme interest; however it wasn't a happy interest she was wearing a definite frown as she inspected the scar with her green eyes. He quickly pulled back his hand out of her grasp, and hid it below the bed cover diverting his gaze to the floor beside Raven's chair. He emitted a low growl as he did this to express his discomfort, which left Starfire with a gasped expression. He held back his frustration at not having thought to ask for his gloves back from Rae. It had been mainly because the drip was still in the back of his right hand; identifying this problem he brought out his left hand to remove the drip but was halted by Raven's small, smooth and pale hand.

"Leave it in, you still need it for recovery," she warned sternly, with her eyes as well as her voice, after which she turned to meet Starfire's worried gaze, returning to complete monotone, "You may as well ask me the question on your mind Starfire, he is too stubborn to tell you anything." As she stated this he growled, he had already told her he wasn't ready to reveal any of his past to the others, hadn't she said she wanted to be the 'one' to understand!? She shot him a warning glare after his growl; as if to say 'Trust me.' _Fine_, he'd bite, how was she going to resolve this now? "So, stubborn in fact I believe it would be better to discuss this in the corridor, Starfire."

_What!?_ It was his turn to glare, but she did not turn to acknowledge his anger, what was this going to prove? Presumably she would keep him from hearing the conversation, but what did it matter? Raven had seemed to convince Starfire to agree to the proposal with just a look, Star confirming this with a simple nod. Raven rose from her seat and proceeded out of the medic room followed by a still worried looking Starfire, leaving him alone with the sound of the heart monitor and his thoughts. As the door closed behind them his prediction was confirmed as it was encased in black aura, sealing the world outside the room from his hearing.

He leant back against the head rest and calmed his frustration, but he couldn't help remaining a little angry with Raven. What was she trying to prove by keeping him from hearing the conversation? She had already stated her intention to keep the others from bothering him about his past, both for his reasons and hers as well. This meant she wouldn't tell Star about what she knew about the marks, or at least exactly what she knew. He just couldn't see the reason for leaving the room, perhaps she had something else to ask Star it would make sense but still it left an itch in the back of his mind.

He turned his face away from the aura encased door, deciding to turn back to the issue when Rae came back in, and looked back out the window at the ocean and went back over his situation in the 'talk' in his mind. He had decided to be open with her now, granted there were still a lot of things he was uncomfortable talking about and even a couple he wouldn't talk about, but it was mainly for his own comfort. He knew it was selfish, but he still wanted to have a limit on what he had to share with the world; couldn't he keep a few secrets? However, he had agreed to show her what she wanted to see, figuratively speaking of course. That self correction raised a serious question in his mind.

What did he think of her? Rae's opinion of him seemed to have changed so much over the last three weeks, he just didn't really understand why, but his opinion of her was changing too, he hadn't just started trusting her more. She was making him happy simply with her presence it didn't seem to matter if she was digging into parts of his soul he guarded fiercely, she just seemed to calm him and destroyed his defenses with what could be considered as minimal effort. Even just now she had had an unprecedented effect on him; he had been too scared, too happy and too complete in that one moment she had been examining his hand. As a matter of fact she hadn't really told him why she had found his hand so interesting.

He sighed as he continued to watch the movement of the endless blue through the window, what did he think of her? It had been a long time since he had let anyone come so close and soon enough the previous person to have gotten that close would be the subject of her questioning. Now when he compared Raven to Terra he could only come up with one sentence to sum it up; _'Rae is more precious than Terra ever was'_. Despite the fact he could admit this to himself he was still scared of it, because he didn't know exactly how Rae saw him. She wanted to understand him, she even wanted be the 'one' to understand him, but that didn't have to mean anything; she cared about him he knew that and recent events could simply revolve around sibling like feelings.

However, he had never seen her as a sibling as he had the others; she was family but not a sister. He considered Cy and Nightwing as brothers; Cy the one he could count on for fun and to say the right thing, Nightwing the one to show how the world works and how to be ready for it. Starfire was almost like an innocent younger sister to him in some respects, he hated to see her mad at him but never feared what she would do to him as a result; he would however need her forgiveness before anything else could proceed in his life. Yet, he could see Star as an elder sister since he could ask her advice in nearly any situation and be treated seriously, because she didn't have the heart to insult any of them; without merit, which he had to admit his pranks often gave her.

Rae was different. She was confusing, nosy, reclusive, all knowing… mysterious, intelligent, witty when she wanted to be, comforting, beautiful, intoxicating and attractive… _oh, man?_ His thoughts just had to lead him there didn't they? Well considering he was a male, and proud of it, he wasn't really surprised, how couldn't he find her attractive, intoxicating or alluring? Even if the guy who painted the Mona Lisa, whom he couldn't remember right now, had tried to paint her smile or her eyes they would have failed miserably, even a photo didn't suffice when it came to Raven. Her body wasn't a chore to look at either, _'Naughty boy'_, again as a male he couldn't help the effect she had on him, and her scent was like a sweet drug you could easily be hooked on if you got too close.

Now he had let himself be that close, and he sure as hell didn't want to retreat he wanted to be closer to be more than just family, but it was complicated, if she did not share that desire how would he be able to keep going? He had already trusted her with everything and it didn't matter if she didn't want to be closer, this was close enough, but if he told her how he was beginning to feel, scratch that; how he felt, and rejected him it would hurt. It would be the _**worst**_ pain he had ever experienced, and he knew he wouldn't be able to hold it back like he did with Terra, and he feared it; he wasn't ashamed to admit that. Not only would he feel that pain of rejection again, but he would lose what they shared now, he could not and would not allow that. Raven had been right when she said he needed someone to understand, and she was the one who had ever broken the resolve to defy that truth, but with her he wanted more. She was… _everything_ to him now, he wanted her to feel the same for him, _damn it_, why was he always so _weak_ and selfish? He was between a rock and a hard place, one; he wanted to know how she felt and two; he didn't want to risk his current situation with her.

His thoughts were then interrupted by a very loud and very happy squeak coming from outside the room via the floor and ceiling, aura preventing any sound creeping in through the door. Something had made Starfire extremely ecstatic, the only time he had heard a reaction like that had been the night Nightwing proposed. It was obvious that Raven wasn't talking about his hands at this point, _'Did she promise to go to the mall and to see a RomCom in one day, or something?'_ His confusion occupied his mind for the remaining time it took for the door to open again, he glanced at the medic room clock, _'Why did that take a ten minute speech?'_ the door revealed the two super heroines, whom wore contrasting expressions. Star seemed to be holding back giggles behind her hand, while Raven seemed to be wearing a regretful scowl behind her re-raised hood, _'She didn't really promise to go see a RomCom movie did she!?'_ The childish question just seemed to ring through his mind, without any real merit, as he gave the pair a confused stare; he had to admit he was much calmer than when they had left the room.

"I hope you will be fully recovered soon, friend Beast Boy," Star chirped out from behind her hand, whatever was making her so happy was evidently something big, "I will allow you and friend Raven to have some more time_ alone_," the red haired beauty added before turning away from the doorway and proceeding down the corridor. He didn't miss the obvious death glare Raven gave the princess as she left; evidently that sentence had struck a chord of discomfort with Rae. He had to grin at the best guess why, but was rather surprised the glare seemed to be her only response; usually Raven would yell when accused of liking him. Raven turned back to face him and walked back into the room, locking the door behind her and removing her hood once again revealing her face was back under any control she may have lost at Star's comment.

"Now then," she said with total neutrality, "tell me; why did you experience such emotional pain?" she finished reseating herself in her chair, and he turned his face back to the ocean once again, "_Garfield_." That was an order and he finally accepted there was no possibility of stalling further. He rolled his head to meet her orbs once again, and allowed himself to become lost once again, with her scent as his companion.

"Terra," he answered simply, earning a wide eyed reaction from Rae, "she was on the train," he could see that she understood why he felt pain but some confusion seemed to remain. "There's nothing more to it really."

"But, why did you feel pain of that magnitude?" she asked, maintaining the neutral tone, "I never even sensed any pain when she actually betrayed you, did you not…" she trailed off as if realizing some horrible truth, he wagered she'd hit the mark. Her eyes, which had been worried and confused, began to shine with tears, and her voice became just as sad, "… deal with that pain?" The gaze he gave was stone and deadly serious, as he shook his head in reply, he needed her to understand he was too _weak_ to face that pain, it didn't matter because facing it would not be beneficial to anyone. However, her sadness was soon replaced by complete irritation, "YOU ARE A DAMN HYPOCRITE, GARFIELD!" she yelled at him, he refused to flinch. She turned her eyes from him, as if in disgust, that made him flinch considerably, "How ca-can you believe suppressing that sorrow is good for anyone?" Her voice now a faint whimper, his own distress grew with each word; she turned to face him with a desperate look of combined anger and sadness, at which time the heart monitor chose to crack in two, "You are the only reason I was able to face the pain Malchior brought me and keep it from growing into something like that feeling you now hide away." He turned his head in shame, he didn't need to hear this!? It hurt too damn much. He heard her rise from her seat and felt her clutch his chin and she forced him to face her; eye to eye.

What he saw was indescribable. The amethyst orbs forced him to face the pain Terra caused him, he didn't know or care how, it forced him to share it with her, and as it began to consume him something else did as well. Her pain from Malchior was transferred to him through her eyes; she was sharing her pain with him as well as sharing his. To the outside world this stare only lasted around three seconds, but to him it was an eternity but he wasn't alone; Raven shared that eternity with him and he shared it with her, he felt complete. At the end of these three seconds both of them broke, he hugged her tighter than he had ever before and she returned the force equally, seating herself on the bed with his arms around her waist and hers around his neck. Neither of them cried, they simply sat there content in the other's presence, he didn't want this ever change, well actually there was one thing he wanted to change and Rae seemed to share that thought, seeing as she pulled back from the hug at the same time. They remained in an embrace but now he looked into her face as she did his, but neither of them was interested in the other's eyes, he had made his decision and so had she.

It wasn't the classic slow motion movement; it was impulsive, instant and aggressive, and it was the best decision of his life. Their lips met with such force he had trouble not flinching back, and he could tell she faced the same problem, but he refused to do so; her lips were too soft and tasty. The kiss wasn't hard to deepen, but he wasn't the only one trying to do so, Rae's tongue fought with his for dominance, but the battle was never decided.

_Clik-clikity-clo-clikity-clik-clock_

That was a rhythm he had collected to memory and it wasn't one he had wanted to hear again, the sound caused him to open and shift his eyes to the window in mid-kiss; there was a small red colored metallic ball now firmly attached to the window. _'Shit!'_ It wasn't a bomb, he knew that, but his reaction was instant; he pulled his mouth back, already regretting having to do so, pulled Raven down to his right side and covered her ears firmly and tried to brace himself, although he knew it was in vein. "Damn you, Tamia, you and your _**employer**_!" he was just too irritated at the timing to remain silent.

The device detonated and emitted the high pitch frequency that was out range from human hearing, but at this distance would cause permanent deafness to humans, that had been specifically designed to cause a complete feral fear in nearly all animals, or better yet; him.

--

A/N: I really have gotta hope this was acceptable for all the delays going on, I think the next update will have to be for Concern since it desperately needs one (I have started that by the way). Hope no one thinks it has to be raised to M, because I am trying to avoid that really, no idea why though. Anyway, I hope the cliffhanger is a good one (in the sense you want to read more). So next chap will have to introduce Tamia, whom I am afraid is an OC, since the only character I can really find from BB's past is **_him_**. You'll have fun with her full name though since it's a puzzle, details later. Point of chapter really to finally seal the relationship and make future events interesting. Plese review.

P.S- some corrections now made; I've always struggled to hear the word 'specific', so I've often end up changing it 'pacific' to match what I hear and as a result look stupid. Also, this is a direct carry on from the previous chapter so BB still had fears at the possibility she didn't see him that way, but it's not like he can doubt it now. By the way I never said Raven 'promised' anything. Plus, hears a name for the "sound bomb": a HP whistle. (HP High pitch)


	11. Speechless

**Speechless**

The reaction was instant; fear. He fought against his instincts to react to it, he could not and would not react when he was this close to Rae, but his mind was losing its grip rapidly. Raven was beneath him but seemed to be somewhere between awake and asleep. He pulled the drip from his hand and pushed himself away from her; falling off the bed and landing on all fours like a cat but maintained his human form

He needed to be alone and out of the sun; he needed darkness. Yes, darkness would help, no one would see him and no one would hear him; no one could harm him in the dark. Both prey and hunter use the dark to their advantage, but he could use better than any prey or, in this case, hunter. Mia would save him in the dark and until then he would go undetected by the world and he could watch the hunters pass by with alert eyes and ears; he would make them the prey, he would strike them from the shadows, _'SHUT UP!'_

He had to be away from Ra--, from who? _'FROM RAE! GETAWAY FROM RAE!'_ The thought was his own but it didn't seem to be on his side; it was on the side of the female behind him. Why!? She was beginning to get up, she would harm him and he knew she had the power to do so; something about her smelt unnatural! Why should he just run from her!? He should make it so she did not chase him; or rather make her unable to chase him! _'JUST RUN! DO NOT HARM HER!' _He obeyed the thought despite the ill logic and broke through the moving wall in front of him leading into a tunnel, which he then ran through whilst using his senses to identify his location.

Four scents and four heartbeats different to his own occupied the structure and each posed an obvious ability to hunt and kill him, causing him to shift to his strongest form since he refused to be the prey. One of the inhabitants was the female he was running from now; she was human but something in the scent made him wary of her, but still part of his mind refused to let him see her as an attackable threat. The second nearest was another female but this one was not human and not for the better in his view. It had an irregular heartbeat and the scent was foreign to any species he knew, but strength seemed to be laced into the scent and he knew this female could break him if he let it. Next was a male that was definitely human at the peak of physical condition and would definitely pose a challenge to defend against even in his current form. The final scent was also a human male but the heartbeat was unnatural; it contained a steady _beep_ alongside the heartbeat and his instincts concluded that it was not a sound that nature created; this instantly made him cautious of the human's abilities.

However, right now he needed to disappear; he now knew what would come to kill him if he stayed exposed and he had no intention of being a meal. He wanted to LIVE! He refused to be the meal of these creatures; it would be the same as before when he was in this situation. He would find darkness and wait for Mia to save him, she always did in the end, and he would just defend himself until the time came. He wasn't _weak_ he could manage that at the least.

He had made considerable distance between himself and the female he had run from before something changed two things in fact and he didn't like it. He didn't like it at all! He heard all but one of the heartbeats begin to close in from his position; the unnatural male from below, the other male from above and horror struck him as he realized that he had actually gotten closer to the foreign female in his attempts to flee the other. Yet, this shock paled to the fear at what happened before him, which caused him to halt his run immediately; light and dark seemed to emerge from the air in front of him, as if it was some kind of gate in the shape of a bird, and from it… stepped the female he had fled from.

He entered an aggressive stance, as if ready to pounce on her and rip her to shreds if he had to, and glared while emitting a growl to let her know he wouldn't die without a fight. However, the yelled thought from before still refused to let him attack her, but he didn't let her know that. Yet he had to wonder why!? Hadn't his belief that she was not from this world just proven now!? She would kill him if he did not at least attack! Why couldn't he hurt her? "Garfield."

He was snapped away from his thoughts by her voice. His bluff instantly disappeared, as he now agreed with his inability to hurt her, it was impossible for him to even be aggressive to her; that voice was too soothing! Why!? She was going to kill him but her voice was soothing!? He feared her now more than the others, which were still quickly approaching, he could not retaliate against her; he understood the angered yell now but he had no reason why. He recoiled from her in fear as she began to reach out for him, muttering whimpers as he did, he had no other option. She did not show any aggressive signs but he knew she was going to kill him; that's what hunters do!? "Garfield."

His thoughts ceased and he finally took in her image properly; she was sad. Not angry, not hungry, not excited at the capture of prey, she was just sad. Her scent was sorrow itself, her eyes looked at him with pity and neither contained any desire to kill or even harm. Her sadness was for him as if it pained her to see him as he was now and she wanted to help him, but that wasn't possible. Only Mia ever saved him when his fears became as they were now, this wasn't possible!

She began to move forward and gain ground on him as he continued to back away, he wanted to turn and flee but her eyes seemed to demand that he remained, and she continued to gain ground and her hand became closer and closer. He shifted to smaller and smaller forms just to remain from her touch; he had lost track of the others, right now his fear was her and what she would do to him when she caught him. "Garfield," she repeated again and he froze completely this time, currently a cat, allowing her to lay her palm on his head and for one moment everything stopped.

He awoke no less than five seconds later on the floor of the corridor, on which the rooms generally contained criminal files or back up medic supplies, his head was comfy though. The memories of what had happened rushed back causing him to look up to find all of the others staring down at him in his current position; with his head in Raven's lap. He diverted his eyes to focus on hers, "Are you okay, Rae?"

"Idiot," she scolded with a soft voice, bringing her hooded face to inches above his, "I should ask you that." Her face showed no signs of fatigue like he had feared she may have gained from causing his black out moment and seemingly curing his fear, so he relaxed on the issue that might be hurt in some way. However, he had to ask.

"What did you do to stop the effects of that whistle?" she looked curious at his name for it but understood what he meant, and re straightened herself so as the other could hear her explanation. Her voice was no longer soft it was firm and pissed, she evidently had little love for the people responsible for the whistle

"I used my magic to knock you out and then analyzed the nature of the effects. It turned out that to cancel the effects required a simple but exact trigger, just like what caused the effects to occur, I stimulated your mind so as to simulate that trigger and it seems to have worked." He looked up at her slightly confused, she didn't seemed irked at his request for a simple summary, but she did sigh, "If hearing one 'whistle' made you scared, you could say I made you hear a second that cured you." He nodded his head at that.

"But who sent that 'whistle' is the main problem, Gar," Nightwing chipped in, causing him to finally look at the others again; each wore their own worried expression Star most obvious, Nightwing the least, and Cy somewhere in between the opposites, but each bore the same magnitude.

"Dr Tamia Ox-Hownds. Hownds is spelt with a 'w' not a 'u'." He recited from memory of when the woman had taught him that. This earned him a curious look from the entire group, he chuckled at his own response, "Ask your father Cy, he might know her name at the least."

"What are you on about BB?" Cy instantly asked in surprise.

"She used to work for S.T.A.R.R. Labs." He responded just as fast making the words easier to say; preventing his mental blocks kicking in, "I'm not saying anymore, just find her, please. Don't go after her, I just wanna talk with her in private." The most shocked look came from Rae, she almost seemed to glare at him in anger, not that that was uncommon but it was unexpected in this situation. He had done his best to suppress his own anger at recalling the woman, so he was at a loss for Raven's reasoning, but he chose to answer the surprise, "Trust me on this one, okay." His voice was just as firm as Raven's had been during her explanation, although his voice was not angry.

He glanced at each of the faces above him and saw reluctant acceptance on all but Rae's, alongside the worry they had displayed earlier. "Okay, Gar, just this one time," Nightwing answered eventually in what seemed to be an understanding, "I'm not gonna push you for the details for now, but if you or anyone else on the team is put in anymore danger because of this you will tell me everything I want to know." He nodded back to the leader, although he was reluctant to agree, it was fair, "I think Raven would be best at helping you back to the med bay."

He groaned at the realization that he'd have to sleep in the med bay again, "I'll take him to his room, Richard," that surprised him, as well as Nightwing, he would have thought Rae would have been screaming to get him back in there. Her monotone didn't help him understand either, "He needs more than rest; he needs to feel comfortable after what he has just experienced."

"I'm comfy right here thanks," he joked, truthfully, from his position in her lap, earning a smile from Cy and Star, but seemingly no reaction Rae or Nightwing. Although he would have sworn on his life that Raven was blushing beneath her hood, "Anyway, I think I have enough pride to walk to my room-" he tried to explain while moving to stand up, but was cut off by Rae's hand covering his mouth and forcing his head back into her lap.

"You have no idea what you're saying, do you?" That question was a threat, but contained a happiness which did not belong in a threat, and to be honest it scared the living crap out of him. She was smiling as well beneath her hood and she had angled her head so only he could see it, as if in retaliation for his joke. She was daring him to argue with her; he sure as hell wasn't going too. He shook his head so as to give her the answer she wanted, at which she lifted her head back up to face the others, "I'll take him back now, do I have your _permission_, Richard?" Once again her question was a threat, but portrayed her trademark evil threats rather than the unnerving happiness she had threatened him with. Nightwing seemed less willing to argue than he had been and quickly nodded and next thing he knew he was lying on his bed with Raven for company.

She was lying on her right side to his left and had nestled her head in his neck, her left arm wrapped around his torso, her left leg placed over his right and her right hand stroking his hair. He had to resist the urge to purr at the touch, and wrapped his left arm under and around her back and brought her so close that her body was in complete contact with his; causing her to emit a sound best guessed to be a purr. Her scent was sweet and possessive; he could have gone all day simply in the presence of it, but he became even more mesmerized by her face. Her eyes were closed as she lay there peacefully listening to his pulse and she had a smile which somehow surpassed any previous; serenity was the only possible word.

"Okay, this is more than 'creepy', with the same meaning that I told you before," he said, voicing his confusion at her actions, not that he was complaining or anything. She seemed to giggle and moved her head to face his while opening her eyes to reveal… was there even a good enough word? He smiled at her for a good long while before asking, "I thought you'd be interrogating me about everything." She didn't let his words hamper her smile, she leaned and kissed him gently on the lips, he froze, but not from shock, from happiness. He was now officially speechless.

"That can wait," she stated firmly, before kissing him again. He was still unable to return the kiss, but she knew the reason, "I never said that I was finished with you, Garfield." This time he returned the kiss.

--

A/N: Now seriously tell me if you're uhappy with this chap and I'll change it if people agree on the flaws. Raven's actions will be explained in detail in Concern when it gets to this point. If anyone's wondering why the reaction did not last very long it's mainly due to my flaws as a writer since I found it very difficult to write the section where BB is scared. The name Mia does refer to Tamia but as he was a primal animal at the point he could only think in basic terms, or at least that's how I tried to write, even so much so that Rae is the only one he refers to as _she, her._ Tamia's actions will be explained in detail next chapter, I promise. I think this story will end around chapter 17 mark, if you want me to keep writing that long, since I get the definite impression my style has changed, but it's rather hard to stay to that style where more than BB and Rae speak. For the next chap I'm probably re-read the whole story so that I can perhaps go back to those roots. By the way, just so everyone knows: I've never read the Titans, Go! comics and sorry if this story contradicts the explaanation of BB's past in those and also for Cy's past I've gone for a mix of the Titans Go! and main line comics, obviously I'll avoid the main line future of Cy that is Cyberion; just a little too weird for me.

P.S: Dr Tamia Ox-Hownds is an anagram of my full name, I'll let whoever gets it read the ending first.


	12. Dedication

**Dedication**

"So could you explain again why you have to wear that?" Raven could only sigh in frustration as this was the third time he had asked her to explain it, he knew the answer and the reasoning but he still couldn't justify it in his head. Why did she have to where a holo-ring to hide her appearance? She still looked beautiful, but he didn't want to see an altered picture when the original was a perfect master piece.

They were attending a formal ball of S.T.A.R. Labs employees whilst in disguise under the pretence of recently graduated college students now working as Dr. Stone's (Cy's father) new assistants hoping to make first impressions with S.T.A.R. Labs' best. The ball itself was in the S.T.A.R. Labs branch in Central City, the choice to fly themselves there had been an exhausting one but he didn't regret it, for one he hated airplanes, and two spending more time with Rae was better than anything, granted they hadn't talked much but I was still time well spent. He smiled remembering how she had nearly killed him for asking for one double bed room in one of the motels; two single beds had been his reconsideration, on pain of death.

"The same reason you are wearing one, Gary," not a very original fake name but considering who they were here to find it didn't really matter; they were Gary Millis and Rachel Roth, "We don't want to look out of place." She finished, with fake cheer and little patience in tone, as they made their approach to the entrance and presented their invites, he'd have to remember to thank Dr. Stone again for his help. The doorman let them pass with minimum fuss, not surprising since Rae's glare had not lost any power despite the holo-ring. She walked one and a half steps ahead of him as they proceeded to the dinner hall, seemingly intent on scouting the room before he entered it. The image did not escape his eyes.

Her hair was made to appear as if it were a shade of black that shined in the light as if it was the blue of the night sky when lit by the stars and hung loosely and almost but never truly reached her shoulder line. The final effect of the ring was that her skin was now the common shade of pale white, rather than so pale it was grey. He didn't like these changes when compared to her natural hair colour and skin tone personally, but he _really_ liked the remainder of the image. Her slender, petite form hugged by the sleeved black silk dress that was decorated with the occasional rose design that shined on the surface, the dress reached to about two inches above her ankles. The way she walked as a result helped divert his devious eyes to her rear, the curves of which were well defined by the dress. To finish the picture were some simple healed black slippers and two small snowflake design ear rings could be seen dangling from one ear each, glinting just through her hair.

"Like what you see, dear?" Rae said dangerously, halting her approach to the double doors a little way in front of them, but not turning to face him so he could take in the frontal image too. He wasn't ashamed she had caught him, but he didn't know how she wanted him to respond to that, did she want praise or fear? He tilted his trilby hat with a white gloved hand and looked down at his dark grey pin stripe suit and black shoes with white spats, he was a sucker for old gangster movies, and suddenly felt like trying his luck. He moved slowly, to allow her to move away but she remained still, so that he was right behind her and leaned forward to take in the scent of her perfume, keeping his hands rooted in his pockets.

"Well, I can only think of two things that are better to see," he whispered onto the back of her neck, causing an evident shiver and obvious rush of hormones that overwhelmed the scent from the perfume, "One is to see you turn around in that dress as Rae, not Rach," he continued, and then pausing to kiss the bottom of her left earlobe just avoiding the earring. He heard her pulse rate quicken and could tell she was enjoying the moment, she let her head lean against his movements and he took in the full scent of her hair, "and the second's beyond PG-13." He finished grinning against her ear, the grin was quickly wiped off by the sudden connection of Raven's right elbow to his torso knocking the majority of the wind out of him, "I know, so-_coughhh_-rry, I deserved that but –_cough_- it didn't seem the right time for foreplay." He remained standing but was forced to clutch his ribs from the impact before standing straight again, he was very grateful they were on a mission that demanded secrecy because if her retaliation had been unrestrained he wouldn't have been standing for awhile.

"You're right for once, Gary, thank you," she replied regaining her composure and monotone as she did, well at least one plus side from that experience was that he hadn't seen any of corridor's many decorations begin to fly. "Lets not delay further, I wish to meet this Dr. Hownds myself." Still hell bent on that was she? He hadn't even wanted her to come but when she had told him that she knew of the event's time and location after reading Nightwing's thoughts he had realized how serious this was to her; she had actually been willing to read the boy wonder's thoughts without permission.

"Of course, Rachel, your heroes await," he said moving to the doors and opening them in a manner of overdone politeness; bowing with his hat held against his chest as she passed, during which she gave him a gentle pet on the head. _'Ow, you go girl,'_ he thought to himself as he followed her into the room as he repositioned his hat, gasping for breath once he completed his task, "Whoa, that's one expensive lightbulb," he joked referring to the massive chandelier which dominated the ceiling of the huge dinner hall, Rae seemed to be occupied and didn't bother to respond to his humor.

The scene was predictable but still impressive; numerous circular marble tables of varying sizes were spread out evenly around a central dance floor on which a few couples were currently dancing to what he guessed was a waltz. The band on stage at the far side of the room was probably half an orchestra, he knew little about instruments outside of the guitar range, but he was sure they weren't limited to ballroom music. He grinned to himself at the idea that popped up in his head, he immediately pushed the feeling back to make sure Rae didn't catch his glee, and became extremely glad the others had (eventually) agreed to stay out of this mission unless called for. The other impressive sites included the silver ware, gourmet buffet (including an entire vegetarian section) served straight from the kitchen area that lined the right hand side of the room by the chefs themselves, and the fact that even the waiters seemed to be hundred dollar shoes.

Raven's attention seemed to be more focused on the occupants; she was at best guess trying to locate the good doctor. Yet, his site seeing and her investigation were cut short by a waiter who approached them just after they entered the room, "Good evening, sir, miss," they snapped their eyes to the man and addressed him with a nod, "Are you booked as a table for two, or are you joining another party?" Raven just ignored the question and re started her scan of the people in the room.

"Errm… I think we're a table for two since the only person we know at S.T.A.R. is Dr. Stone and we're here in his place so…" he responded weakly, the man simply nodded and smiled with understanding for which he was grateful and returned.

"Right this way, sir," the waiter then proceeded toward the left hand side of the room, Raven was oblivious to this and he had to hook an arm around her waist to drag her away from her search and toward the table the waiter chose for them. The look he earned was mixture of frustration and surprise but she did not push away or object to the hand's possessive position, a surprising but pleasant fact. "The food has all been paid for and is ready for collection," the waiter stated while placing napkins next to the silverware and pulling the _glass(!?)_ chairs out, for which they thanked the man before sitting down, "The menu is to allow you to choose before making your way to the kitchen area, and please inform myself or my colleagues what drinks you desire from the drink's list." After finishing this final formality the polite server left them to help other guests.

He looked over to Rae with the intention saying something like 'Do his manners cost more than the tables?' but refrained after finally being able to take in the image of her front. The holo-ring effects harmed the perfection but she was still breathtaking; the dress covered up to her neck line, curving with her collar bone, but hugged her figure perfectly, however his eyes were fixed somewhere else. Her face was decorated by the ring's image but one part of her make up that wasn't fake was the lipstick: dark violet. The effect on its own wasn't much but when combined with her eyes, which remained their natural colour, it made him promise something to himself, _'I will see her real face like that before the end of the night.'_

He kept on looking at her for what seemed like hours to him, hours well spent, and he was so possessed by the image that he only subconsciously registered that Raven didn't stop looking at him. She caught herself first and quickly asked, "Is she here?" the sudden end of his daze left him at a loss so she soon added, "Hownds. Is she actually here?" His good mood diminished as he sniffed the air in response.

"Yeah, she's here, just not in this room," he answered flatly. He read Rae's reaction quickly and leaned over to grab her hand before she could leave, and said quietly, "Rae, I said I only want to talk with her, just leave it for now, okay?" She wasn't happy about his request but he was sincere and she knew it, "Look, as a trade for not finding her for now, why don't we talk for a bit before the food?" Raven leaned back in her chair sighing in frustration and clenched her eyes shut as if suffering a headache and cupped her cheek with her hand, contemplating his offer, _'Damn, she's cute when she does that.'_ After a minute she re opened her eyes and her face returned to monotone, she nodded her agreement. His smile came back instantly, "Me first, let's start with small talk; everything considered isn't this a date?"

"No," she answered instantly, cruelly so even, with a raised eyebrow, "but if you don't consider the objective of the evening… it is." _Dang_, she could be cruel sometimes and he knew she had enjoyed playing with him there. He couldn't say he was complaining; his grin was evidence enough. "Why did you _tease_ me in the corridor?" her tone was bitter and she crossed her arms to confirm it.

"It was the closest thing to what I wanted to do that I could do in the situation," her blush didn't show through the hologram skin but he could smell it clearly, she turned her head away as if disgusted. He took his hat off and placed it on the table in order to look at her unhindered, "Look I'm sorry if what I did made you mad-"

"It didn't," she cut in quickly, not looking back at him, "I'm not angry with you," he was so surprised by this statement that his eyes nearly popped out, she noticed his confusion and turned her eyes to him once more, bringing her hands in front of her and resting them on the table, "All you need to consider is that I didn't move away even though you gave obvious opportunity."

"Hmm, good point," he replied, still a little lost for words; he had to think for awhile before continuing the conversation. "Actually, there's a good one," he chirped up eventually earning a curious look from Rae, "Five days ago in the med bay you said my hands were the 'third most interesting thing in the room'," she nodded her recognition of words with a slightly worried look, "What were the more interesting things?" Her eyes widened to such an extent he thought she might actually lie to cover up her embarrassment but the final look in her eyes before she answered assured him it was the truth.

"Your… face and your story," he was surprised but did his best not to show it because right now he had to be serious, he gave her a questioningly look at the word 'story' to which she responded, "Your past. It's something I find very interesting." She didn't hold her gaze to his during this admission and her voice was akin to the voice he remembered her emotion Timid possessing, she was evidently a little nervous, now that was rare.

"Really? After all the time I spent trying to find out about you and being turned away," he chuckled getting a hurt glance from Raven, "Now you know how I feel, I guess, but don't worry 'Rachel' I'm not turning you away anymore," she smiled at this, that still beautiful and perfect smile, then he added, "I don't need to say how interesting your face is, do I?" Her only response was to hold her stare against his.

"Garfield," she eventually said, the unexpected use of his real name stated she was moving to serious issues now, _'That didn't take long, it must really be bugging her.'_ "Why are you so relaxed towards this Dr. Hownds situation?" her voice was sharp and forceful, "You feel hate towards this woman, I can sense that, but you hold your anger back when it comes to the point of dealing with her, what are you afraid of?"

"Dude, I thought I still had a little privacy Rae," he argued gently, he could see there was no real way to avoid the subject, "I'm afraid of what I'll do to her." He looked to his left to avoid Raven's reaction; he knew it would involve another piercing stare. Although her gaze could be one of the most comforting things in the world, it could also be one of the most forceful and he was uncomfortable enough with the circumstances. "Tell me, Rae, who has raised you in your life?"

She didn't answer initially and he was certain it was one of her sore points as well as his, but he hoped she could understand why he had asked the question. His hope was confirmed when she answered, "I lived my entire life in Azar until a week before the team first met," her voice was quieter than usual, causing him to look back to her once more. She was sad as she remembered her childhood and he regretted having to bring it up for his own selfish needs, why did he have be so _weak_? "Until my first birthday my mother raised me within the high temple, you could say it was almost a normal up bringing until then. But after then my powers became too powerful for her to calm alone so both she and the priests raised me together and taught me the incantations and state of mind needed to control my powers."

"Can I ask for more details about that sometime? I know now isn't the time, but I really want to know more about you as well, Raven," he kept his voice low, so as not to announce their identities, but also to tell her he wasn't trying to stall; he meant what he said. She smiled her understanding and nodded, and he couldn't help but return her smile with a childish grin, before he made his point. "Well, before the team I lived three lives. The first was my life with my parents," he was cautious as he said this to protect himself from the memories resurfacing, "and the third was, and still is in some ways, with Steve and Rita. You guys are my family now but I still consider them my parents." Raven simply nodded her approval he knew that she of all people understand the importance of any bond with others. She had now leaned forward on her hands to listen to him closely, "The second life, though, was spent in a S.T.A.R. Labs facility during which she was the closest thing I had to a mother."

"What?" she replied and providing another rare site to see; Raven stunned, he smiled to himself before continuing.

"She was the scientist assigned to study me, she approached me as my friend while I was in captivity there telling me things like; 'We're not going to hurt you, we're trying to help you' or 'You can trust me, I'll always help you when you're scared'," he looked down to the table and clenched his fists in anger at remembering his responses to the woman. "I believed her, every single word," he growled through his teeth, "I was _weak_ and scared. I needed someone to trust. No one else there treated me as if I was human, ha; they were probably under her orders. She was never the one to stick a needle in me or she was never there when they set one of those whistles off." His breathing was becoming heavy and his anger was beginning to overwhelm his mind, right now, the idea of running to the room Tamia was in and ripping her head was very appealing. Then something smooth clutched his hand.

"Garfield," Rae had leaned over the table and her face was now so close to his ear that he could hear the pulse in her cheeks in his ear, "You need to calm down." No he didn't, her voice had already nullified his anger back to what it had been before his little speech. _Damn_, she was good.

"Thanks, Rae," he said as she sat back in her chair across from him, but her hand remained clutching his tightly. He refocused his efforts of control over his hatred, which could all be summed up in the exhausted sigh he let out, before continuing, "I trusted her, even loved her as a mother, because my life in that place was torture and to me she was the only thing that didn't cause me pain."

"It's understandable, Garfield," she said gently, causing him to finally look back up at her and saw that her eyes were once again the gentle and comforting orbs that soothed him so well, "You were young and from what I have been told previously, including what you have told me, I presume you spent several years in that facility," he nodded, not breaking their current stare. "If this _woman_," she said '_woman_' with a definite venom, "presented herself this way you did the right thing by trusting her, because even it is false such a bond was needed in those circumstances for your mental survival."

"It was false," he responded with regret; regret that he had been tricked so easily, "She planned every aspect of my treatment. After Steve and Rita, along with Cliff and Larry, saved me I was more than gateful, but when I asked if could see Tamia again it shocked them," Raven only waited patiently for him to continue as he paused to think over his words, her only action was to pass her thumb over his hand which she still clasped. The band music had been playing various tunes throughout but the most recent one disrupted him momentarily, like it was familiar but he couldn't place it. "It was because they knew what she was and what she had done there as her work. She planned every experiment, designed every test and wrote every 'exercise' program that I was put through. To her I was two things; a method to create cures for diseases, like Sakutia, and… a weapon," he paused again, he had kept his anger docile but the music was distracting him again, looking over to the band, where the hell did know that tune from? "In short I was a thing. Knowing that is what she did and thought, I am afraid I will become a monster if I don't hold my anger back."

Raven squeezed his and he snapped his eyes back to hers, the look was stern but carried an assuring message, "You are no thing, you are a person and one who is very precious to me," she said it out loud despite not having too, "and you will never be a monster, you are too strong a person to become one." Although her words made him feel better, a hell of a lot better, he still doubted that strength she had so much faith in.

Then the music stopped, "That was a special dedication to one Garfield Mark Logan," his eyes shot to the conductor that announced this, "from one Dr. Hownds, and her message to the young man is that she is waiting for you and will be happy to see her old foster son again after so many years, so don't keep her waiting too long." There was a mild applause from the other occupants, but he had already shot from his seat and walked into a corridor on the left of the opposite side of the room from where they had entered, not even bothering to pick up his hat, with Raven not far behind.

So, Tamia knew he was here, the whistle must have been an invite, what was so damn important that she had to provoke him like this!? What could she gain from this!? _**Him**_ again? He had left that _**man**_ behind along with her; he hadn't even bothered to follow up on the scent from eight days ago!

He walked quickly and in silence and Rae seemed to understand and followed suit. He followed the scent without error and only halted when he reached the door of room he could tell Tamia was in. He clenched his gloved hand together; he wasn't afraid anymore, he didn't care what he did anymore, he remembered that music now! It had been his only lullaby in the lab; it had played for only one night. Tamia had crossed a line in his mind and he could not and would not let her get away with it.

He kicked the door in.

--

A/N: I pray this is a good enough come back, I spent alot of time on it, took around three different beginnings. Please ask questions or point out problems because I've forgotten half of it, if I need to change it to M for the flirting I will so someone tell me about that. If anyone wants more details on Tamia's actions just say, but the next chap will take time even though I have finished all my exams now (I'm pretty sure I failed everything)

By the way I've reposted 'Heroine' because there was a phrase in there that I would have to have been high to think was any good: "encyclopedia of sorrow", WTF!? Why did no one point out how bad that was!? Further reposts will occur since I think another chap has the word 'pacifically' in it rather than 'specifically'


	13. Death

**Death**

Only one of the constants of the doctor had changed at all, and to be honest it would have scared him, but he was immune to fear at this point. He only felt anger and hate, others might count the emotional pain at the source of these feelings but he did not, every thought that crossed his mind was inhuman in nature and involved the woman in front of him.

Dr. Tamia Ox-Hownds, as confirmed by the plaque on the desk in front of her, was seated in a worn out version of the Mastermind chair, smoking a cigar. She was eyeing the two intruders in her characterless office, the only feature being another door in the far left corner, with intense curiosity. The eyes, that at his still closed guess matched the colour silver, remained on him for the majority but undertook an evident investigation of Rae. He examined Tamia with the same vigor but with far different intent, just to make sure she would be an easy kill. She wore a black woolen long sleeve turtle neck, which showed but didn't 'show off' her figure, with her left arm crossed over her belly while the right was lifted to allow her to hold the cigar to her lips. She had leaned back in the chair to position her legs on the desk crossed at the heel; wearing simple old blue denim jeans and brown mid heal boot like shoes that went a point at the toe end. The attire wasn't much of change to him, and she hadn't seemed to have aged, rather she'd matured from being the 21 year old student who he had allowed to comfort him into, what he calculated to be, the 36 year old woman she was now. The one constant that had changed was her hair; it remained the somehow natural shade of navy blue, but it was obvious she hadn't had it cut once since the last time he saw her, as it now touched the floor behind her chair. To the average viewer she looked like any other woman in her mid thirties that was still confident in her appearance and had taken a liking to the taste of small size cigars rather than cigarettes themselves.

"Hello, Mark," seeing the smile on Tamia's face, was as if a devil was mocking him, "It's good to see you again, even if you are wearing a disguise." He did little to hold down the growl his body spurred in response, causing Tamia to eye him peculiarly, "What kind of reunion greeting is that, Mark? You're not even going to vocally introduce me to your partner?" she asked with a tone suggesting she was genuinely offended, _ha_, if it was that easy he'd give the witch the silent treatment all day.

"Garfield owes you nothing," Raven said in monotone, but anyone who doubted her intended threat was a fool, as she stepped past him through the door and into the office, "Especially not manners, and don't try to pretend you don't already know who I am." He was surprised by Rae's bluntness but he just remained quiet and still, continuing his glare at Tamia.

"My, my," Tamia mused, giving Rae a humoured look, "you can sure pick 'em, Mark." She paused to inhale the cigar and breathed out the fumes slowly, "Can I, at least, ask you both to calm yourselves? Anger only clouds judgment and reason." The sentence was stated as if to say 'matter of fact' only adding fire to the rage within him; he clenched his fists breaking through both glove and then skin to draw blood from his palm. The sensation snapped him from his still consistent glare and back to the rest of world outside of the blue haired woman, causing him to instantly realize that several of objects within the room were encased in black aura. He turned his attention to Raven; she seemed to be barely holding her inner demon from devouring the scientist, the anger in her scent was overpowering.

"Rae!" he shouted, grabbing Raven's shoulder and spinning her around to face him, to receive an annoyed and confused look for his actions, "We both have questions for her, don't we? So let's just ask them and leave, there's no reason to lose it, is there?" He questioned sternly, looking down into her eyes; surprisingly not something he often got the chance to do considering their height difference. Raven's amethyst orbs seemed to pass from annoyance through thought to reluctant agreement within seconds, at which point she nodded.

He replied to her with a slight smile and then refocused on the woman observing them from across the office; once again his gaze became angered, but the thoughts of causing Tamia serious agony were no longer present. Thinking it appropriate he moved his left hand to his right and twisted the holo-ring through the glove and deactivated the hologram skin so that he could face her properly.

"Much better," Tamia praised, "please sit down," she continued, removing her feet from the desk and motioning to two chairs, he had ignored previously, in front of her desk. He decided to go along with it, after a cursory glance he didn't notice anything suspicious about either chair or the surrounding floor, and walked past Rae to sit in the right hand chair. Raven seemed more reluctant to follow the request; instead she chose to stand behind him, so close he could feel her warmth behind him and then heard the deactivation of her holo-ring. "Thank you for that at least, my dear," Tamia chirped, again inhaling her smoke taking on a carefree look in her eyes, "So, to the point; I'm happy to answer any questions the two of you have but I have a few of my own as well as something to say but I'm sure that will be part of the answers to your questions. Mark, since you're the one at far greater inconvenience, please, tell what you wish to be said first."

"Are you working for my godfather?" he felt Raven's stare instantly and knew he would probably have to explain himself fully later, if not now and he could bear that, but he needed this question answering. However, Tamia's reaction was not expected; she was laughing. Not to mock him, although he definitely felt mocked, but she genuinely found it funny. Raven did not.

"STOP LAUGHING!" Rae yelled and he literally felt her anger rise sharply. He looked back to see that her eyes were glowing a more intense white than often when casting spells and the aura had encased the room behind her wall to wall and was now proceeding toward the laughing scientist. He gripped her hand lightly to make her realize the nature of her actions and the glowing orbs became surprised and looked to him; she hadn't expected him to calm her. He gave her a mild plea in the form of an uncomfortable smile; he wasn't able to read her response via her eyes but her actions proved she had chosen to fulfill his request for restraint, for now. It was a win win expression for him because she was as beautiful as he'd hoped she would be when promising to himself to see her real face earlier. The aura halted its advance, but it remained as did the glow of her eyes, after which he let her hand go and turned back to Tamia. "I don't care for your reason; you don't have the right to insult Garfield," Rae finished, the mention of his first name made Tamia's laughter stop, almost in one instant.

"You honestly think I have a connection to that man do you?" Tamia asked, seemingly not even fazed by Raven's heavenly white glare and control of the darkness. He didn't respond, the tone of voice ensured the answer, which now changed to amused and truthful accompanied by a very smug look, "No, Mark, my actions are completely independent from anyone else's will, my reasoning does partially involve your godfather, but I am not under his direction. He may have once funded practically my work and salary, but he never paid me directly." Taking another breathe from the cigar Tamia checked her memory for any remaining details, visually signified by moving her eyes up and left, "I met him several times to discuss your past and other details about you, and to be honest the man seemed to be a paranoid, and hate filled, fool." He was surprised when he felt no reaction to any part of her answer; she wasn't working for _**him**_ but she had more than one reason for provoking his presence here. "Anyway, I have a question that has just come to me now," Tamia continued, wearing an inquisitive look, "she called you Garfield," she said pointing at Rae, causing the empath notable confusion at the topic, which he guessed made her anger subside, and he saw the aura in front of him dissipate, "Why did you allow that?"

"That's his name," Rae stated in monotone, not allowing him to respond, "I know he does not like the name, but why wouldn't he 'allow' that?" she asked, ignorant to his silence and his brooding stance; leaning forward his head pointed down, his knotted hands together, arms supported by the knees at the elbows. Tamia addressed Raven with a stern stare, suggesting she thought Rae was missing something so clearly true; he didn't think it was that obvious.

"Has he told you nothing!?" Tamia snapped, but her voice wasn't forceful, it was sharp and he smelt sadness from Rae afterward; Raven flinched at the question, "He _loves_ that name; he holds it closer than nearly any person to his heart. Only two people have been able to call him that without a reaction, and it's probably because of who the first person was," she continued with a sad and distant voice, apparently caused by the subject. "When I called him that the first day we met he bit off a piece of my arm," she stated with light humour, rolling up the sleeve of the turtle neck to the shoulder. Two inches above the elbow there was significant dent in the tanned flesh that suggested a fox had clamped its jaws unhindered on the area, after pointing to and outlining the past injury Tamia pulled the sleeve back down. He moved his face to the side even though he was already not facing Tamia, Raven actually gasped and brought her hand to her mouth after seeing his reaction. "In fact, I thought he still did not allow your team or even you, Raven, to call him by that name. And my final observations of his actions document most of the details up until 3 days after the Titans foiled that ba-"

The doctor's explanation was instantly cut short; her head pressed firmly against the wall which had been a metre behind her an instant ago. A hand was crushing Tamia's throat, but her chair and body had mercifully followed her head, however, "YOU WERE MONITORING HIM!" Raven roared at the scientist she was now choking and casting a red glow towards from her eyes. If he hadn't been so distracted by his own fury he might have seen Raven fly over the wooden desk and catch Tamia's throat, but even so he wouldn't have reacted in time, if at all. Tamia didn't seem fazed in the least, despite the fact she was being choked and had the demonic side of a half demon human hybrid glaring at her at point blank range. Tamia's single answer was a nod of the head, whilst trying to re raise the cigar in her right hand to her lips, and thus throwing petrol on the fire and resulting in Raven strengthening her grip.

He jumped out the chair and over the desk and grabbed Raven's shoulder in a time Flash would have been proud of. The grip was strong but he made sure not to even damage her dress with his claws, "Raven," his tone was scolding, a tone Raven often spoke to him with, not vice versa, "stop it." He saw the red glow highlighting Tamia's face fade and Rae turned to face him as she loosened her hold. At first her expression was apologetic and regretful, but it changed fast to a look he'd never seen on her face, and to be honest it wasn't a look he'd hoped to see when he made that promise earlier.

Raven was scared, and at best guess it was because she see his rage. His own anger, at this moment, surpassed anything he sensed in her scent, giving merit to his following words. "You always used to give me speeches about how you need to control your emotions; well you don't seem to be winning right now and I need answers from her," he said, pointing at Tamia with his free hand. Rae instantly let the doctor go, whom took in a long breathe before taking another with the cigar between her lips. Raven seemed to understand and accept he was telling her off and that he had good grounds too; her eyes resembled those of scared child, something he later promised would not and could not happen again because of him. "I admit, I'm having trouble holding my anger back, I can't hold yours back as well," his words were harsh but necessary, but now he issued her his warning, "If you can't control your actions, Raven, I will."

"I…I…I'm sorry, Beast Boy," Rae replied in a timid voice, not removing her scared gaze from his deadly eyes, but his anger ceased at what she called him, _'Beast Boy'?_ He let go of her shoulder in shock and Raven quickly walked past him and this time decided to seat herself in one of the chairs, while simple looked at the wall she'd been standing in front of. He turned to look at her, sorrow occupying his mind now; she looked to be lost in thought and it wasn't happy thought. Had he really scared her that much?

"Well," Tamia piped up behind him, regaining his and Rae's attention, "That was certainly curious to see, your eyes are as scary as always, Mark," the words re ignited his fury, but once again he contained it; the thought of Rae being scared of him certainly helped. "I see the fact she called you by your alias was enough to change your eyes back to green, hmm?"

"What do you mean 'change back'?" he said completely lost for her meaning.

"You've never noticed?" she asked surprised, his response was an even more confused expression. After this Tamia entered her own thought session before exiting it and moving her chair back behind the desk, and he also returned to his chair next to Raven. He looked over at for some kind of sign she might have forgiven the scare a moment ago; she answered with a stern monotone look with all fear removed, indicating, in his mind, that they would address the issue later. "No matter, I'm sure you two will discuss it later if possible," Tamia interrupted the exchange of glances, that choice of term made an alarm ring in his head but he let it pass, but he remained more alert, "One of the most important things I wanted to talk about though is your life expectancy, Mark."

He shot out of his chair immediately and brought his fist down on the desk, cracking it cleanly in two, "Shut up," he threatened darkly, he was willing to go to any lengths to keep that secret, "I already know." Tamia raised her eyebrows at his statement but it was simply mild surprise, it didn't account for the total shock he smelt in the air; Raven.

"What is she talking about, Garfield?" Rae asked with a trembling voice behind him, although he was relieved she'd called him by his name again he couldn't answer; it was an answer he was too _weak_ to give, especially to her. He didn't want to upset her again. He turned his face back to her pleading with his eyes for her not to ask.

"I'm talking about how long his natural lifespan has left, I assure you it has nothing to do with my actions," he now re directed his plea to Tamia, _'Please don't tell her, please'_ "Mark! The girl loves you! Even I can see that! How can you not tell her this, if you know!?" she snapped at him, he stepped back in recoil from the accusation; a tear fell from his eye.

"SHUT UP!" he yelled at her, he'd snapped now he took a step forward and hoisted Tamia out of her chair by grabbing the turtle neck. The silver eyes never flinched, they remained stern behind several strands of stray blue hair, "The Titans are a family! We all love each other! What do you know about that, huh!?" Tamai stayed undeterred by these truths, "And I love Raven more than that! That's why I don't tell them, and it's why I don't **want** them to know, because I know they care! It's bad enough that my best friend knows when my powers'll kill me, but you want me to tell Rae!?" his question asked in disbelief, "I'd do anything to make her happy, to make her smile, I…" he trailed off as he began to cry, "I _**love**_ her!"

"Garfield," Raven's tearful voice whispered in his ear, he dropped Tamia without a thought who landed on her feet and quickly left the room via a door the back left hand corner of the room. He didn't care why she left and wouldn't have pursued her anyway but he smelled that she didn't leave the room beyond that door. Meanwhile his attention was firmly on Rae, she had wrapped her arms around his torso and her ear was pressed firmly against the suit jacket on his back. After Tamia had left Rae continued, "I _love_ you too," for one instant he was on cloud 9 and he smiled big time at the words, but he was only allowed that instant, "please tell me what she was talking about, and about what you said Victor knows. I beg you." That was a phrase he thought would never pass Raven's lips but there it was and it was beyond him to refuse.

"Cy, knows that because of my powers my D.N.A will break down when I'm around 79," Rae simply squeezed him tighter as he paused to try and hold back the tears at thinking about his next words, "but Tamia meant when Sakutia will kill me."

"I…I…thought…" Rae stuttered, "you said your father saved you from Sakutia," the tears in her voice made him bit his lip, he really hated the sound of sorrow, and right now he was only going to make it worse. He had wished he was able to change this prediction again and again when he'd been told but he had learned he had no real control over his own death. That was another reason why he hated saying this.

"He did but it wasn't a cure, it made me survive longer… but Steve and Rita checked its progression, several times, and at this rate…" Rae's embrace strengthened further, he gave one drawn out breath, "Steve doesn't expect me to live past 30… or even make it to that."

--

A/N: It's official I'm a . I hasten to remind anyone overly shocked by this 'twist' is that this is an 'Angst' story and BB needed some motivation to still be protective of certain secrets from everyone and needed some more reason for his emotional state. The next chap will be a direct carry on and also I would like to inform that the 'evil' ending has not won the poll so don't worry too much okay. If you're wondering why Tamia suddenly left the room it's because, whether or not BB and Rae believe it, she does respect BB's feelings which will be further explored next chap. I didn't go over the top with the office description 'cos it wasn't important top me. Tamia's description is meant to defy most villain portrayal's and normality at the same time. Oh yeah now you know **_his_** relation to BB. If anyone has any serious problems please inform via PMs or flame reviews. Pls review

P.S. I recognise now that the very brief reference to Rae's past in the last chap was inaccurate but I do have a solution.  
P.P.S. No one's solved the name anorgram yet, and... THIS IS STILL NOT A DREAM!


	14. Timeout

**Timeout**

Time stopped, at first he thought it was just an unnerving silence as Raven processed what he had just confessed to her; both the good and the bad. However, he could not hear anything except Rae's breathing, he now smelt nothing but her sorrow that had overpowered the scent of her perfume. He glanced around the office and saw everything was perfectly still; even dust from the broken desk in front of him was stuck in mid air.

"Rae," he asked worriedly, "are you seeing what I'm seeing? Has the world stopped?" He knew this was not the time for stupid questions, especially ones that sounded that dumb but it was too obvious to be left alone. Raven remained silent with her arms wrapped firmly around him; the sadness in her scent was unbearable. He doubted he had ever sensed such strong emotion escape the empath. Not only was the level of emotion higher, it completely miniaturised the sorrow he had sensed from her during their first 'talk' when she cried.

"I don't want to let you go, ever," Rae whispered as if in need to express the point vocally, "I can't… I won't." He raised his hands to hers and gently pulled them apart, she did not resist his movements as it was obvious he had no intention of escaping her grasp. He turned around so that now her face was against his chest and let go of her hands so that he could return the hug that she reclaimed around him as he did so.

He felt so… wrong. Why did he have to be a vicious truth to the one he loved? He would have given anything to know how to make her feel just a tiny bit better, but he didn't. All he could do was hold her close to him and hope it helped, but in what possible way would it help? He was the one bringing her sorrow. He had warned her to stay away but she'd persisted to know his secrets, and he'd persisted in hiding them; now it had blown up in their faces. Yet, all he was able to do was hold her! He decided that he must at least improve that action slightly, if only that.

He pulled off the white fabric from his hands and lifted his right hand to stroke her hair, wishing such an act was a possible method of soothing the Raven.

"Right back at you, Raven," he said moving his clawed hand through her silk like hair. "I don't know about you, but I'm all mortal so I have to die eventually. That's why it doesn't bother me anymore. Hehe, I think I went through that whole seven stages thing too," he finished with chuckle. Raven didn't think it was funny and reacted in a way that he would have never predicted.

"You are not funny," she whimpered pulling out of the embrace partly and hitting him softly, it wasn't a joke punch but neither was it malicious. There was no force and her hand bounced back off his chest before eventually resting there, for lack of a better term it was a sad punch. Rae was hurt badly, and it was a strain on his heart to see her like this, he pulled her back into his chest and rested his chin in her lavender scented hair.

"You know why I kept this a secret, right?" she gave a quiet 'Uh-huh' like sob against his chest, but only increased the strength of her hold on him. It was unreal for the cold woman to reveal this amount of emotion especially in front of him as Star had reported several occasions of emotional displays in the past. He knew she wasn't 'cold' in the sense of how much emotion she felt but in appearance she was commonly unbreakable ice. "I'm sorry Rae. I'm wasting all that effort you put into restraint, aren't I?"

"Good," his eyes widened slightly at the reply, "I don't want to have to hold back anymore, not now, not ever again. Or else I will waste what time we have."

"It's not like we're wasting that time now, is it?" he joked, trying to redirect her to the issue of reality being on hold. She ignored him and maintained her grip. _'This is going get even harder, isn't it?'_ he thought to himself. "I'm sorry," he finally conceded, "I'm sorry I never told you."

"I lied." Raven…squeaked? To hell with the admission and to hell with the fact it had nothing to do with what he'd just said. Raven just squeaked through tears! His gasp was questioning as well as surprised (for a much more childish reason than it should have been) and she quickly answered, "About my childhood." A realisation dawned on him as to what she meant, it didn't matter to him at all; she was too perfect to not have a reason he'd allow. "It wasn't my mother who raised me, it was Azar."

"Azar?" he asked confused. "Isn't that you god or goddess?"

"No," she replied without a hint of mocking to his assumption, "she was the High Priestess ruler of Azarath. She raised me on her own until my first birthday and then she began to teach me how to control my emotions and powers with the help of the other priests in the temple. My mother, Arella, only began to teach me after Azar's death when I was six." He stayed his reaction at the possibility that she had more to say. Yet, after moment of silent tension he raised Raven's chin carefully with his claws to be able show her he believed what he was about to say.

"So when did you lie, exactly?" He asked with a cheeky grin, evoking very surprised look in the tearful orbs. "Do you think of Azar as your mother? Or better yet your mom?" Raven looked as if she had no idea as to how to determine the truthful answer from the two choice of yes and no, his grin grew. He had the all knowing Raven stumped. "Okay, think about it for a moment. Why did you call Azar 'mother'?"

"I don't know," she replied, looking at her shoes as if she was Timid, "I didn't mean to say it. I just did…" she trailed off.

"Instinct, maybe?" he suggested playfully. Raven lifted her head back up to meet his gaze and the amount of relief he saw there flooded into his own mind in the knowledge he had lifted her mood. "There you go," pulling her back against his chest, "if you'd been lying I'd be lying every time I call Rita my mother. All you did was leave out the difference between the mother you were telling me about and the one you told me about before. No biggie, right?"

"No biggie," she whispered back with a degree of happiness back in her voice. He chuckled at the fact that Raven allowed herself to say such a made up word, but as he did so he smelt her anguish begin to rise again.

"Okay, so now we've got that snag out of your mind. You gonna tell me how many times I have to say sorry?" he asked gently. He brought his hands to Rae's shoulders and lightly pushed her away from the embrace and bent his legs slightly to face her at her eye level. The angelic orbs were more than troubled and were struggling to look at him, for once her eyes were the ones betraying their master's feelings. "I am sorry," he said trying to reason with her emotions as well as Raven herself. "Raven, I can only beg that you forgive me," he continued dropping to his knees and letting go of her shoulders, forsaking any hold on his pride. That didn't matter to him anymore; all that mattered was that she forgave him. His vision diverted to the floor, "I know you must hate me, bu-"

He was silenced by Raven's hand slapping his cheek. He looked up to her again with hurt in his eyes but what he saw in her eyes made him forgot that pain. "Don't you dare think that again," she said as tears began to fall again, "Promise me!"

"What?"

"Stand up and promise me that thought won't ever enter your mind again!" she screamed. Her despaired voice echoed through the frozen time and brought about his instant compliance.

After standing he immediately stated clearly, "I promise the thought of you hating me will never cross my mind again." He had no intention of breaking that promise under any form of torture, even if Raven became his tormentor.

The empath then quickly took hold around the back of his head and forced him into a kiss, the force only necessary for the speed of the action not the action itself. He became lost in the sensation and allowed her tongue the dominance to explore his mouth before cupping her cheek and fighting back with his own. The taste was divine as their first kiss but now he was free to enjoy it with no interruptions; it was on a level far beyond any tofu waffle.

The time that elapsed for both of them didn't matter (even if it was none for the rest of the universe) and he was sorry when Raven chose to end what she started. When she pulled away both them had their eyes closed but as he opened his he saw her hold hers shut for moment longer and lick her lips in a final lost second in the taste.

"I hope that removed any doubt from your mind about my feelings for you, Garfield," she said quietly as she opened the purple gems, and he nodded instinctively. "Good," she went on, "I love you Garfield Mark Logan and if you ever question that again I'll kill you myself." Although she was smirking she wasn't kidding and he knew it. "I've decided you and I will resolve this matter and how we feel about it in our home, with our family as well. I cannot allow you to hide this from them." Her voice was finally returning to her patented monotone and for once it comforting to him to hear, but her eyes did not. She was living up to her statement that she longer wished to hold back her emotions. "Can you accept that?"

"I don't really have a choice do I?" he answered bitterly with another question to which Raven raised an eyebrow in threat. "Yes, I can accept that. Just don't expect me to tell everyone without having to hold your hand." His admission brought her smile back to her face, _'Still got it.'_ "Now, can I just raise the point time isn't moving?"

"Ah, yes," she said calmly, as if it was to be expected that time would stop for her sadness. Fair play in his mind, "I guess we can't just leave without some more answers can we?"

"That's up to you, Rae," he replied honestly. Her answer was to close her eyes and his keen vision caught the dust particles in the air as they began move once again to the will of gravity.

"I wish to know about your past; maybe this _woman_ can answer some of my questions too." Raven said moving to the door Tamia had left through before his and Rae's timeout. "But I am more interested in your future. No matter how long it is Garfield I hope to spend every possible second by your side," she finished as she opened the door.

--

A/N: I hope that was plausible in some way, shape or form. I'm taking the time stopping ability from when Slade delivered the prophecy to Raven on her birthday to express the level of distress she was feeling (also it allowed me to give BB and Rae a chance to deal with the issue). I didn't believe it possible to wrap up the issue of coping with the idea of BB's limited life span in one chapter and I hope you all agree, and it shall be dealt with in a later chapter, probably 16 since I'm still aiming for the 18 chapter mark for the story but I might add an epilogue. The next chap will be the last of this imparticular night of events (whoo, spolier incentive), since I don't want to hinge to much on the involvement of an OC (too late, huh?). As a result the chapter will be very long in order to include what I have in mind. Please R&R/F, any complaints will be duely noted alongside the odd bit of praise...

Sorry for lateness by the way.

Also 'Contrition' is very nearly finished I just need to re-write it a little. It will be a sort of ending to this story's furture; a little like Samurai X: Reflections except nowhere near as tear jerking. (I still cry at the ending of that!)

Repost/Answer: To the reviewer **Not G.Ivingname**  
1. Thank you for the story recommendation, it was a very good read.  
2. I'm not that bad, am I? I don't think I'm worthless or incapable of success, I just don't assume that I have succeeded. I mean even in this repost I've been able to iron out even more imperfections in what was written and I wager there are still more.  
3. I admit there are several easy comparisons to my version of BB and the one in the story _Perfection _by **Jessemudflap** but mine is different, I hope.  
P.S. I now have four broken pencils by the way.


	15. Surprise

**Surprise**

"That didn't take as long as I expected Mark. Maybe she doesn't care as much as I observed," Tamia replied not turning to face either him or Raven. He snorted at the notion. His amusement soared with the idea Tamia was completely unaware of the conversation he'd just shared with Rae. Rae didn't react in any way accept to move fully into the new room causing him to follow.

This room was barely more significant than the previous office, which he now guessed was to show visitors who remained on the ethical side of the law. It was bigger but was just as featureless; white walls, black carpet, grey ceiling and very little significant furniture. The furniture in question was a sofa in front of widescreen LCD TV placed in the wall on the opposite side of the room with shelves either side. _'Meh, the Tower's TV's bigger,'_ he thought, leaning himself against the wall to his left, hands in his pockets. He was directly behind Tamia now. The good doctor was without her cigar and facing yet another door, but this door was transparent. Not glass but it certainly copied several traits of glass and he could see a corridor beyond that looked to be made of actually glass.

"Or maybe it shows she cares far more than I thought, hmmm?" That caught him by surprise and removed any smugness he had picked up from the idea of his and Rae's private 'talk', still he was pretty high from the kiss so it didn't matter. Raven was now standing a little in front of him now to both his and Tamia's right and maintaining her common cold image perfectly. He knew her well enough to know she was apprehensive of what she would do if she showed anymore emotion. "No matter," Tamia interrupted his thoughts, "Do either of you have any question before I continue with my agenda?"

"Why did you mention Garfield's lifespan to begin with?" Rae asked simply with no hesitation. _'Back to her old self,'_ he mused with a hidden grin.

"Because it is related to one of the rewards I shall give him tonight," the scientist replied with an equal absence of hindrance. _What?_ Rewards? What the hell did that mean? His shock spread across his at lightning pace, "If you're wondering what those rewards are and why I would give them…all in good time."

"Explain yourself! Now!" Raven argued. Letting her voice becoming sharp once more Rae crossed her arms and glared at the researcher. Tamia's frame held its position facing away from the glare that intimidated him so often, not even a single strand of the ever long hair wavered. The audio was a thick and tense silence until Tamia turned to face him not Rae, with the focused silver of her eyes. The doctorate of science sighed forlornly.

The woman made her way across to him never letting her eyes stray from his; her eyes were unreadable. They contained something he remembered seeing in her eyes before during the years he had spent in her care, it almost managed to mimic the love he received from Rita. Tamia's approach provoked him to stand from his leaning stature while trying to burn the silver spheres with an angered look. Silver's melting point proved too high.

"Mark," Tamia said as she stood in front of him. Her 6 foot height allowing her to keep her gaze with his easily and she lifted her right hand to his face. He expected himself to pull away or at least flinch but then her hand closed around his ear and began to rub caress the skin behind it gently. As his anger seemed to drain and he had to fight the urge to purr at the sensation, "you are the closest claim I will ever have to a son." She continued with resignation in the South African accent while her other hand subconsciously clutched her abdomen. "You are truly an amazing creature."

He was lost to fight against the words or the touch as emotions of pity and love overwhelmed his anger at the woman. He didn't know if what he was feeling was genuine or false but what he saw in the woman in front of him was unmistakeably real motherly affection. It brought back the memories of how she had comforted him so often in his time in his cell but he knew the events in that time were her fault. He could not and would not fall for this act again. "Stop it, please," he forced out in a plea but he ruined his efforts to hold in the purr and he moved his face to nuzzle her hand on instinct.

Aura encased Tamia's hand forcing an end to its contact with his skin. "He asked you to stop. Now I'm making you." Raven's voice stated with venom laced in the monotone, the sound of which returned the ability to think straight to him.

He literally ran past the woman and finished his flight just in front of the transparent facing her back. To say he was angered, scared and/or confused was a significant understatement, _'How the HELL!?'_ His breathing was heavy with panic as he turned his eyes to Rae as she ended her spell and released Tamia's arm. She wasn't pleased but she maintained her cold demeanour with her arms crossed with a firm stare locked on Tamia. His own state eventually eliminated his to simple anger at how easily the… the…_ witch_, was the only word fitting in his mind, had effected him, "Don't ever do that again!" He threatened darkly.

"I won't," Tamia replied without turning to face him again, "it's good to see the influence I built in your mind isn't completely gone. Clearly Mento isn't as thorough as I gave him credit for." These words only brought about more questions into his now very crowded thought patterns, just what did she have planned. "All for the better," Tamia continued, "Have the pair of you had sex yet?" _That_ question hit him hard and he was stunned to an exasperated gasp. A second gasp followed his and he knew it was from Rae, neither of them had thought such a matter was a possible topic for tonight. Tamia turned her head to eye Raven and him respectively and a smirk crossed her lips before she spoke again. "_Hippocratic Oath, Alpha?_"

"No, we haven't." The words escaped him as reflex and in realisation he brought his hands to his mouth while his eyes stretched beyond measure. _'Shit!'_ More mental triggers! _Damn_, why hadn't that occurred to him!? The whistle was one! Why was he so stupid to think that there wouldn't be ones he didn't know about, or others he'd forgotten!?

Raven's embarrassment became thick in the air. He immediately turned to face her and kneeled putting his head to the ground in submission. "I'm sorry Rae!" he said from his _weak_ position. He raised his head to look at her with his remorse evident on his face and he saw that her perfect orbs were shadowed even though she wasn't wearing her cloak. "Raven, I'm so sorry!"

"Get up, Mark! You look pathe-" Tamia tried to order him, rotating her body to follow her gaze toward him, but he cut her off.

"SHUT UP!" He roared turning his head to the scientist. "Our relationship has nothing to do with you! It's more important to me than anything else, other than Raven herself!" That was nothing short of truth, the fact of which caused Tamia to visibly flinch for the first time. "I don't even wanna share its existence with a witch like you!" He finished with her and then moved his focus back to Rae, who was now looking at him with amazed shock. He returned to his original kneeling bow. "Please, forgive me Rae. Forgive my _weakness_."

He heard Raven take a few light footsteps to stand in front of him and a second later felt her hand pull his face upward making her the centrepiece of his vision. "You do not need my forgiveness Garfield. You couldn't control youself so it wasn't your fault. The only forgiveness you need is your own." The orbs were sincere and merciful and he smiled in their shine, _'Thank you, Rae.'_

He allowed himself to stand again but as he did so he heard two distinct noises. The first was an automated door causing him to look for the transparent door behind him; it was open. The second was as if the air itself was punched and on instinct he pushed Rae away from him, using enough force to make her fall to the ground. He looked to where Tamia had been to find she'd moved to her left, nearer the TV and sofa. The wall behind her had opened to reveal a doorway and he guessed that was where she'd picked up what looked like a modified flare gun in her right hand. As the 'air cannon' shot hit his chest he noticed something very out of place for Tamia's actions; she was crying. Her eyes were as unreadable as ever but small clear droplets were leaking from each.

The air was forced out of his lungs as he felt a small circular area of his ribs be compressed and eventually broken into several pieces each. The impact sent him flying backward into the glass corridor by at least 10 metres and he slid at least another five along the smooth glass floor after landing on his back.

He brought his hands to the crushed area and tried to scream in agony but failing as his left lung collapsed. His claws ripped desperately at the light cloth of his shirt while his body writhed on the glass floor. His instincts controlling his hands on their own futilely hoping that such an action would allow him to breath. It didn't. The razor points continued their efforts to relieve his chest from its compression; clawing at the mug sized dent as if trying to rip away the flesh but stopping short. He was beginning to suffocate before his nerves began to acknowledge a new altercation to the area and punished him dearly.

"AARRGGH!" his cry informed him of his ability to speak returning The sensation intensified as he heard his ribs reform in a sequence of unceremonious cracks and definite snap motions forward. The healing ended abruptly and he was left breathing in precious oxygen for at least two whole minutes before being able to think clearly about anything else. "I hate having to do that," he muttered angrily. Accelerated healing had always been included in his powers, which was why he'd never had to stay too long in the infirmary before 5 days ago. However, actually using shifting to heal was an annoying and painful process as it required focus and not being able breath as he did it made it far more difficult.

He brought his legs up and curved his back before pushing off his shoulders with his hands and flipping upward to stand straight. He looked back to the doorway he'd just blasted through and not to his surprise it was shut and now a second door was placed in his way. He wasn't _too_ worried for Rae's safety at the moment as he knew her well enough to know she wouldn't allow herself to be a damsel in distress often, so he spared himself a glance to inspect the entire of the glass corridor.

It appeared to run in a straight line along the ceiling of a huge, and by that he meant GIGANTIC, room that at the moment was completely dark. The only illumination allowing his sensitive eyesight to see the outline of the ceiling of the massive space was coming from the lights in the transparent walkway. _'This place sure as heck didn't look this big in the satellite photos,'_ he thought peering through the glass, the one answer the light returned was his see through reflection in the glass.

"_**I have to admit the name hurt Mark**_," Tamia's voice chimed in through an intercom. Alert ran through him as to why Tamia was in a position to speak after he'd left her alone with Raven.

"I got a whole book for you," he said with a fake grin hoping to mask his fear.

"_**Your mate is fine, none too happy but healthy and safe**_." A flush threatened his face with an appearance at the identifier used for Rae before he suppressed it down at the thought of who said it. "_**I left her something to watch which I believe she will be thankful to see in the future and I think she will watch it as soon as she accepts she can't escape that room for now**_." From the satisfied tone it was clear the doctor was telling the truth. It should have surprised him to hear that Tamia had prepared a plan to prevent Rae from reaching him despite her powers, but it didn't. Anything unexpected from Tamia no longer surprised him. "_**Anyway, now we can continue our talk in private."**_

The door at the far end of the walkway opened to reveal Tamia smoking once again with a small smile on her face. Thoughts of ripping the woman to shreds travelled back into his head, drowning the question of how of she had gotten to her current position. "What do you want!?" he asked with death in his voice. "No more games!"

"I don't play games Mark," Tamia scolded. "I am scientist; a seeker of knowledge and perfection. Fifteen years ago you became my textbook," she continued raising her cigar hand to point at him, "both your body and mind are an exception to many of the rules that myself and other scientists have theorised about human physiology and psychology." His brow rose in smug disbelief of him possessing such a unique quality, _'She's never met my family, or the Batman.'_ The mere thought of his leader's mentor sent shudders down his spine. "Don't believe me? Well, self doubt is typical in such a resistant mindscape; keeps your expectations low."

"Now you're talking out of your ass," he joked at her supposed evaluation. Tamia took another long drag from her cigar before releasing a stern glare upon him.

"You never broke," she stated as a matter of fact with respect laced in her voice. He had no answer to her as he had no idea what she meant but Tamia ended the stoic moment with a reminder shake of the head. "Remember the rewards I mentioned? They are all in this room," she said signalling to room she stood in, "all you have to do is take them."

He made no movement. "How stupid do you think I am?"

"Sniff the air," she responded out of the blue. The nature of the response caused him to comply without thinking, his eyes closed to increase the instinctive range of his sense. Five distinct smells; him, Rae around twenty metres back in the room behind, Tamia fifty metres down the hall, and the smoke of her cigar, and…outside the hallway…

"You _witch_," he growled. Opening his eyes he looked again into the darkness of the massive room outisde the corridor. It was not his reflection that looked back; two yellow eyes.

"_Beta_! _Troy_!"

The glass wall in front of him was broken immediately and the one behind followed shortly after as he was speared into it, _'OKAY!'_ he thought in rage before yelling with the same fury, "LET'S PLAY, ADONIS!"

--

A/N: Okay, sorry. I said this'd be the last Tamia involved chap and I turned myself into a liar and it'll probably make the story 19 chaps now, again sorry. My reasons for release are that I'm finding it really hard to find time to write stuff right now, it's my Birthday (it might be the next day by a few minutes but yeah) and I do like to leave cliffhangers of some sort. Please tell me about ANY problems and ask any Q's. BB's actions after revealing the lack of physical expression of the relationship are meant to show how much he values the relationship and respects Rae. As in the sense he was willing to be _weak_ without hesitation after betraying the secret and therefore her trust (it being betrayal in his POV) The greek use of command terms just seemed like a good idea after the _'alpha' _symbol mark on BB's hand. Some of what's happened to Rae will be explained next time and all will be revealed in 'Concern' which is now my focus, and of course I'll explain Adonis, though you may have guessed. Great more OC involvement. Pls R&R/F

P.S. I would like to offer a sincere apology for the last chapter's quality because after I read it back I realised how little happened. I still like to think what happened was important but still... and now I have to apologise for the lack of event in this chapter.

I am making a promise here and now that when I look over the next chapter afterward I'll be as proud of as I am Chp. 2, which is my personal favourite. Also I will eventually be turning this chapter and the previous (Timeout) into one chapter that will hopefully be written to make complete sense too.

P.P.S. I am following your instructions **Not G.** and believe me it hurts.


	16. Control

**Control**

Was this what rage felt like? Was this what strength felt like?

A current flowed through his soul chilling his senses, slowing his heart and reality with it. Adonis, or what Adonis had become, began the mid air meleé. Four sets of claws slashed through the air between them faster than he'd ever dare think. It couldn't have lasted long, but he decided to end it by shifting his momentum to introduce the Beast to the spats on his shoe.

He should have seen this coming. A match with the madness that he wielded as a weapon; The Beast. He'd probably find it written in the stars if he bothered to learn astrology, or astronomy for that matter. It was laughable, but he didn't laugh.

Light flooded into the arena he now shared with the Beast, illuminating it as if underneath a moonlit sky. Allowing him a brief glance of the surroundings before he bent his legs in time to their impact into the smooth cement floor, the resultant debris clouding his vision. "The bank, huh?"

He was given no time to think on it, his heightened senses tuning him back into the situation. The Beast's claws were inches from his face, leaving barely enough time to dodge. Rolling quickly to the side, he raised himself to a crouch feeling the ground tremble beneath his feet from the blow. The creature growled in disappointment at his escape before turning its ablaze, yellow eyes towards him.

"You hate me that much Adonis? I'm hurt." He jeered, grinning wildly under the intense hatred of those eyes. They were mindless and had only one goal: to rip him apart. He had to admit they were terrifying. Fear flowed through him from his instincts at the mere sight of the power the Beast held. This must have been what Adonis had seen in him at the end of their last fight.

The Beast gave another bone chilling roar in reply to his words, lunging at him its claws bared. He caught a massive paw in each of his hands, the shockwave of air released ruffling the combatants' fur, their feet digging into floor. Both he and his inner demon entered an age old battle of strength, where the only thing that mattered was winning. It snarled at him, forcing him back a step, two steps, threes steps. His frustration mounted with each step, each was a sign of retreat, a sign of _weakness_. He could not and would not lose to this thing!

"ReerraaaAARRGH!" The roar came from his very core granting him a new level of power. The Beast winced under the strain, initially refusing to lose ground, but he stepped forward, then again and again. Now they were back to where they started, neither willing to compromise, they wanted to win!

Those eyes again. It wouldn't stop glaring at him with those mindless eyes. '_That's not Adonis._' It might have been Adonis' body and desire to kill, but there was no one behind those eyes. They were shallow and devoid of thought, only rage, only unrestrained raw power. Was that all the Beast was? Was that all he was, a lonely thing? Is that all it meant to be strong?

_No._

His mind slipped in that instant, his anger fading in the idea, and with it gone the Beast overpowered him. Throwing him to the ground and clenching the vice like jaws around his left arm. Swiftly his right fist thundered into the creature's jaw, sending it flying through another of the false building walls. He bit his tongue to suppress the scream, having lost half his upper arm.

"I'll give you that one." He wheezed, grinding his teeth as he slowed the blood loss. The Beast stepped forth from the dust savouring its well earned snack. "I'm not gonna grow that back till after, 'kay?" The answer was a swipe to cleave his head off. "Maybe not." Jumping out the way, he positioned himself several feet in front of the creature. Clenching his right hand into a fist, he stepped his left foot toward the Beast. He baited it, nodding his head back with a mocking grin, "C'mon, I'll beat ya with one arm bitten off."

The Beast needed no second invite, it attacked in the blink of an eye, pouncing on him at a lightening pace. He sighed. Side stepping its landing, he opened his palm and caught the animal mid flight digging his claws into the massive throat.

Those eyes again. No loss of intensity, still every bit ready to kill just to get the chance to rip his throat out. His right arm whipped backward, pulling the Beast with it, and slamming the trapped animal face first into the ground, eliciting a pained cry from its jaws.

Not allowing it to regroup, he firmly stamped his right $200 shoe into the base of its neck. "RAAARGHH!" The Beast roared without fear despite his dominance, it writhed and struggled beneath his sole. It hated not being in control, it hated being pinned into a corner, and it hated being _weak_. He knew exactly how that felt. He lifted his foot in sympathy.

"You're still too _weak_ to play with me Adonis."

-_Crack_-

The change began instantly, fur and mass shrank away from his almost embedded foot. Reckoning it best he caught shifting being and gently laid it down on its back. '_Pretty good,_' he mused on how quickly the Beast had risen once he'd let it go. By the time he'd spun on his left to swing his right foot into the creature's lower spin it had already begun its payback swing.

Crouching over Adonis' limp form he perked his ear and was met with a slow but steady '_thump_-_thump_'. "We were both lucky there." He joked before falling back on his butt, sitting on the replica of the road outside the Jump City bank. "You're still alive and I'm still a good guy." Quickly realising the facts of the situation, he removed his ruined suit jacket and placed it over the naked man's shame, his shirt simply disintegrated on touch. "No need to add insult to injury."

"You did get me though," he conceded, clutching his left arm, "it's worse than the bite I gave Tamia by a long shot." Speak of the devil, he turned eyes upward, irony hitting hard.

She stood there simply staring down at the aftermath of her 'experiment' like she held some kind of godhood over them. Her scent was indifferent. She had known how this was going to turn out. She'd just played along with Adonis's idea on how to beat him, pulling the villain's strings like a puppeteer.

"You lose!" He yelled up to her.

Tamia's raised brow didn't go amiss despite the immense distance between them. That made him feel better, no less pissed, but better. He had shown her what he was capable of, that he wasn't _weak_ and that she could not and would not control his life. That it was his life alone. '_No... not alone, not anymore._'

His flesh rippled with change; sliced skin re-merging, his arm almost looking like it inflated as the muscles returned. His tongue gained a fresh wound from the experience to keep it tame. Finally ready, he moved to his feet. '_Dizzy,_' he wobbled gingerly, he was going to need a lot of tofu after all this.

"Wait," a faint whisper pleaded.

His eyes shot down to look at the source, his nausea pushed to one side. Adonis glared back up at him with a pair of very human eyes, but despite the loss of overwhelming rage, these eyes were no less intense or determined. "How...? How did you..." the words split by harsh wheezing breathes, "beat me...?" Another pause, he made sure not to interrupt. "How did you beat me so easily!?" Adonis tried to scream, but fell far short, breaking into tears. "How?" Was the final quiet cry.

"I broke your back." He answered in truth rather than callous. He knew it wasn't the answer Adonis wanted, but he wanted to see how far this self proclaimed model of perfection had come. "It's why you can't feel or move anything."

"NO!" Adonis screeched. "Not that! How are you still so far ahead!?"

"Tons of reasons," he smirked, "one of them 's why you're still yelling at me."

"Rarrrph! Damn it!... Stop mocking me!" The villain continued to yell. "Tell me!" He crouched down peer into the face of his wannabe rival. "I want to BEAT you!" Adonis spat up at him. "I wanna KILL you! I even went to the source of your power and you... you still beat me like I was nothing! I am not nothing!... I am NOT _WEAK_!"

"You think just 'cos you lost you're _weak_?" He snapped, catching the beaten man off guard. "Last time you _were_ nothing. Nothing but exercise." Adonis held his gaze without fail, but still winced at the reminder. "This time?" He chuckled. "You bit most my damn arm off, asshole! Ok, it was 'cos I messed up, but you know what? You still got me."

Looking up to fake sky he wondered whether he would have won that fight if he hadn't 'messed up', he'd been lost in the anger, hatred and rivalry they'd shared, he hadn't even shifted it was so possessing. "You wanna know what it all comes down too in the end? Desire? Anger? Power? Are those what make me strong?" He wasn't sure he was even talking to Adonis anymore, it might have been to the onlooking Tamia, or just himself. "No. If you don't keep hold of one other thing, then those three'll take it from you."

"What?" Adonis begged from his feet, but for the first time in a long while he didn't think the villain was being pathetic.

"**Control**. It's all about **Control**." So simple, but so true for them. "Our world's full of heroes and villains. It's like living among angels and demons, heck, some of them are gods. They're born with the strength you and me crave, but control's second nature by our age. We're not like that though Adonis. The strength I have is unnatural, and you want in on that?" He went on turning his head back to the lain form. "Then there's soemthing you need to realise, I'm a _monster_."

He paused again, raising his hands to stare at the patterns he had memerised so long ago for this very reason. "The power we want is the same as that wielded by those angels and demons. It's not being a prodical talent at martial arts and strategy, it's not being a genius on science." Dick and Cy, two _men_ he believed in from the very depths of soul. "It's wanting to fly to the heavens and vanquishing the demons of hell." Star and Raven, one _angel_ he prayed for and a _demon_ he prayed too. He smiled at that thought. "But we're just a couple of jackasses who've stumbled on a way to play with beings like that. That means the power can and will corrupt us, if we don't **control** it. We can use it, but it can use us." Glaring back down at Adonis, he finished his new definition for himself, a little surprised at how old fashioned he sounded. "We are _monsters_."

"How do I-?"

"Stand up and fight." He cut off the question, making Adonis pull a dishevelled face. "That's how you'll learn. Think about how much you wanna beat me, how much you wanna kill me, and use that desire. Think about how much you hate me for beating you, and use that anger. The Beast formula won't have worn off by now, so use it!" His voice raised to a shout as he loomed over the physically broken man. "**Control** it, and use it how you want too!"

At first he was worried Adonis hadn't understood, but quickly the yellow glint flowed into the muscle head's wide eyes, a silent scream pouring from the gaping mouth. He knew it wasn't a pleasant feeling, but if Adonis couldn't overcome this then his new rival had no chance of containing the Beast. He wasn't disappointed.

Within a moment the Beast stood before him again, every part ready to take him down. Those eyes were different though, still yellow, still frightening and still blood thirsty, but they belonged to a man. A man who had clearly reached his limit, seconds after appearing the Beast was gone, and Adonis took its place. "I'll let you go tonight shrimp." Were the arrogant words.

"Ha, whatever steroid jockey." He quipped, Adonis nodded with a smile. "One question. She the one who came up with that formula that released the Beast the first time?" He signalled up to Tamia's place in the sky, which she had conveniently vacated.

"Yeah," Adonis wheezed, "that's why I came here. She hired me to attack that testing lab back then."

"Figured as much." It didn't stop the angry flush in his heart. "Keep the jacket." He said walking past his equal rival, whom now realised what the jacket had covered before. With an instant's pause dark green feathered wings sprouted from his shoulder blades, the only other changes were minor; his ears, teeth and fingers all lost their points.

"You can turn into an angel!? Was that all just a load of shit!"

"Nope," he answered with a sly look back, "I told you, we're monsters among angels and demons." Adonis stared at him like he was insane. "All we can do is imitate." Flapping his new wings for his first and only practice, he took flight toward the whole in the artificial sky.

Landing softly on the glass floor, shards from the Beast's charge crunching under his shoes, his wings almost shot into his back as exhaustion overcame him again. His vision blurred, his balance lost he fell to one knee breathing heavy. '_Cy better not have thrown out my tofu waffles again._' He thought trying to focus his vision before quickly getting back to his feet.

Glancing either way up the corridor he was faced with a simple choice: Go forward to find out what Tamia had thought so important to put him and Raven through this night, or go back to Rae and leave. Both options were tempting one from curiousity and the other from, well, he wanted to be with his RaeRae. '_Curiousity killed the cat_,' he quoted in his head, but he hadn't been a curious cat nine times yet, besides Raven would kill him ten times for calling her 'his RaeRae' out loud.

He went forward.

There were no more tricks or surprises. Walking down the glass hallway he stayed on edge, but found the only interesting thing was the life size model of Jump's finance district below, the damage from the fight more than evident. He reached the office door. "Just press the button," called a familiar voice, he complied.

Tamia was sat behind another desk now, writing something down with enviable speed, her cigar finally stubbed out in an ashtray to her side. At his entry she looked up from her work, smiling pleasantly through her long blue locks. "Very impressive Mark, a Thanagarian," she complimented, "I have to admit you're abilities are far beyond what I previously thought."

"Shut up," he said darkly, "**what's** so damn important you put me, Raven and Adonis through all this bull?"

"Many things and some are more than beneficial to yourself." She replied frowning sadly. "Did you really think this was for nothing?"

"Nothing but your tests," he snapped, marching toward her, "you think we're puppets that should dance to give you a cheap laugh!?" He finished slamming his fists into the desk, and for the first time that night Tamia was the one caught off guard, recoiling in her chair.

"I told you I don't play games Mark." She had turned away from his gaze, appearing hurt by his accusation. "You know about Galtry, correct?" How he hated that name. "I told you I wasn't working for him, I'm not, but his move to Jump is why I invited you here." She said regaining her confidence enough to meet his stare again.

"I know _**he's**_ in Jump," he answered truthfully, "but trying to make me your pet Beast don't make any sense."

-_Slap_-

His head span from the stinging blow to his cheek. "**You are nobody's pet!**" Tamia stated resolutely, '_What the!?_' "Your stubbornness is intolerable! Is that how I 'lost'!?" She asked her silver eyes boiling with anger. "I was not and am not your torturer! My research saved you from termination, your treatment made as humane as possible by my order, your rescue of my own creation!"

"What!?" He screamed with disbelief.

"Now I act to improve your control of your strength and life as a whole!" The woman continued, lost in her rant, her driving emotion shifting from frustration to sorrow. "Ask your mate when you leave if you don't believe me!" Tears spilled down her cheeks.

He didn't care, she'd just crossed a whole new line.

"What the hell did you tell her!?" He demanded, grabbing the black turtle neck, bringing Tamia to lean over the desk. A smooth hand grabbed his wrist.

"Stop Garfield," a much more pleasant voice whispered in his ear, "let her go. I promise you, she isn't even worth threatening." His claws loosened instinctively. He turned his head, she was there. All 5'4'', violet hair, grey toned skin and those endless amethyst eyes; Raven. Yet, her voice and scent were conflicted, there was too much emotion hidden in subtly for him to pin one down as her mood. '_What the did Tamia tell you Rae?_'

"Raven?" He asked confused. She didn't answer him vocally, the firm but pleading gaze spoke her meaning fully, '_Trust me._' He nodded in return.

"Lets go I'll tell you everything, including all she has let me see and hear," Raven paused to turn her eyes to the dishevelled scientist, her tone changing to a disapproving scold, "it wasn't hers to give." Pulling his arm she led him back to the door he had come in.

"Wait!" Tamia shouted, gathering up a selection of items from her workstation. "If you understand, you can't leave without these." She argued holding out four folders and a heat proof flask, more to Raven than to him.

"Don't..." Raven hissed, her lip quivering. The grip on his arm tightened severely. All he could do was switch his stare between the two women. Tamia holding out the offered items, the rewards he guessed, to the back of a shadowed Raven. She may have not had the cloak, but he was certain he wouldn't have seen her eyes now with a torch. "Don't ever accuse me of that again, _witch_."

"Bu-"

"Silence!" Rage was definitely winning through at the moment. "Garfield?" The switch of focus caught him by surprise.

"Huh?"

"If you think you can trust her, take them." she explained, letting go of his arm. "I can wait for your decision." It was clear Raven didn't want to wait though. He glanced at the woman now desperately hoping for his positive answer, the plea in her gaze obvious and genuine. He wanted to cast her aside, forget her and proclaim himself free of her, but what if...? What if she wasn't lying? Even if she had only told the truth once in the past few minutes.

_No_, Tamia was cold and heartless. She had used him for her own ends, whether that be for another's cause or not. Acted to gain his trust, installed ways to control him and used them over and over again, but... What if?

It was his choice now either way, he was in control of the outcome.

He took the folders in one hand and the flask in the other, the scientist sighed long and hard. "Thank you," she breathed, "thank you both."

"Don't." Raven repeated, her fists tightened. "Lets go home Garfield."

"Yeah," he said following after her down the glass littered corridor.

"Goodbye," Tamia called after them, her next word was whispered sadly, "_Garfield_."

"Bye..._Mia_."

----

A/N: WELL, after 12 incredibly stupid months (ZP joke), this is what I throw at you. On my birthday again no less, there's another chapter 1/4 but that won't be done till Xmas at least. I have re written 'Timeout' and 'Surprise' but I'm gonna wait for when I figure how to 'update' without changing the no. of chapters. I pray this is acceptable and apologize profusely for the ever lasting delay. I wrote this at least 30 different ways before I eventually decided that I'd try to update by today, which I hope is still 3/11/09 by , so I wrote all this in less than a week, shws how good a deadline works for me. I'm now lanning to re-write this entire story (and Concern) and edit it to comply to proper history (i.e. get shot of Tamia) 'cos I fianlly typed 'Beastboy' into google and found his backstory..yes, I know, I did do it before I ever typed a letter for 'Feelings'. Please Read, review/flame. That is if you're still there.

Repost/N: Change to the speech to the middle since I took note of the review stating confusion about BB's little speech, so I decided to make it more confusing! HAHAHAHAAA!


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